Standing up

I am living at a place right now where people do not really address their ‘problems’ with each another. Instead, they chose to feel upset, blame each other’s insensitivity to their problems, and expect each other to intuitively respond to their hurt or upset and resolve it. This general attitude creates a ripple effect where most people feel very uncomfortable, unheard, uncared for, and angry. It is lovely to live here, hahaha! 🙂

I am aware, however, that me being here is a fantastic opportunity to learn something that is essential for both my well-being and happiness. It is communicating with integrity and authenticity.

It is not particularly difficult for me to stand up for myself and to confront another person about something I don’t agree with or I don’t like. However, it very difficult to say all that in a way that I will be heard. Being angry is easy for me. Communicating my upset, hurt, dislike, disagreement in a way that is rounded and is not accusatory is hard for me. I have learnt from the best! 🙂 When I tell people what I don’t like, they always get upset. I understand that it is because I use a tone that is reprimanding.

I often swing between letting others get away with things that I totally don’t agree with and allow them to take advantage of me or I scream their heads of in my accumulated fury.

It literally takes me days sometimes to collect my real feelings and thoughts from under my anger and string it up in a way that they are informative, honest and unattached.

The problem is, you see, that in my upset by others’ behaviour that they are mostly completely unaware of, I get utterly lost in my own emotions which makes me incapable of communicating my Truth.

Standing up for myself does not mean that I am in the ‘right’ and allowed to pour all my upset and anger over the other person. It means that I have something to communicate that is important for me ‘unattached’ to the result which is the other person’s response. At the same time, I need to stay open to the fact that the other person may have something to say in response.

The key is, as I am realizing it now, to be able to stay centered. Being unattached does not mean that I am ‘emotionless’, it means that I am not talking from my emotions but from a place of clarity and integrity.

It is not my job to judge others’ behaviour but it is definitely my responsibility to express my dislike otherwise it ripples into illnesses and/or into situations where it does not belong.

Staying in the Loving does not mean that I am lovey-dovey and nicey at all. It only means that I communicate in a way that I do not blame or try to make the other person wrong. I just say what I am experiencing, unattached to what the other person may do in response, in a way that is aligned with my values.

I found this article in the New York Times. It talks about the difference of being aggressive and assertive which is similar to what I wrote above. LINK TO ARTICLE