Compassion is HARD!

Audio of the post below

Why being compassionate is hard to do?

The answer is actually rather simple. It is because of our lack of self-care and lack of responsibility. 

Let me explain it!

When we suffer in our lives and our needs are not met, we find it hard to feel compassion towards others’ needs and hearing others’ issues with openness and understanding.

Let me tell you about my journey of discovery!

One day,  I was sitting through a six-hour meeting where people kept on forgetting to mute themselves so they caused a lot of background noise; some peoples’ audio was so bad that they were hardly audible; most of the time I could not figure out what the conversation was about because there was no structure to the meeting at all; people kept on interrupting each other (there were not guidelines introduced at the beginning) and the topics changed so abruptly that I could not follow the meeting. It was utterly chaotic.

Because I am on a practical journey of discovering compassionate insight, before the meeting, I decided to participate fully regardless of the challenges. I promised myself to stay compassionate and interested. I meditated and moved myself out of expectations and into a place of openness just before the meeting started. 

An hour and a half into the meeting, however, I found myself extremely frustrated and exhausted. I was outraged at the way the meeting was conducted and how pointless my attendance was.

It made me think. How could I bring compassionate insight into this situation? What do I need to know now? What am I frustrated about? What are my unmet needs? How am I not taking care of my own needs right now?

I  became aware of the following:  I am constantly short of time. I have different jobs and responsibilities that leave me very little personal time. I am very particular about what I am willing to spend my time with. When it comes to education, I expect good level of education for my money. I need the meetings that I attend to be informative, well-organized, and well-conducted by an expert educator. This meeting, in my experience, was none of these. I was also frustrated because I was in no position to communicate my needs.

Hey! It sounds like a victim story!

I had to remind myself that I create my own reality and I am responsible for my experiences. Non-violet communication, or NVC in short, says that we need to fulfill a request like a child feeding ducks, with joy. In short the request was that I attend this meeting and participate fully. The truth is that I could not attend this meeting with joy, so I shouldn’t have! NVC also says that we always have choices and by knowing that we can stop playing the victim. 

I was angry and frustrated because I felt like a victim. My needs for getting a good education was not met. But the truth is that my needs must be met by me. It is my responsibility to take good care of myself by making different choices.

Compassion must start with me!

 

From Fury to Compassion

Listen to the Vlog

One of my greatest achievements as a human being on a spiritual journey is the conscious movement from fury to compassion. 

I grew up in a country where disagreements were retaliated with dreadful consequences and children were train to be insensitive militarized robots. The education system were to take our will, our personality and our humanity. I was told numerous times what a worthless piece of sh*t I was. Mistakes were punished severely and we were only shown an imperfect and intolerant world that wants to shed our blood.

As a result, most of the people I know chose quiet desperation,  I  moved into resistance and fury. All I heard inside of me was: HOW DARE YOU?!? My fury was fueled by criticism and helplessness.

I spent decades criticizing the world around me with the conviction that this is my job to do that. I am a creative with fresh ideas, now I have a voice and I  want to used it. I don’t think that there is anything wrong with communicating a need for change. However, there is a great difference between how this need is communicated. I learnt judgement so I used criticism. And the result was upset and disconnection.

Each time I criticized someone’s ideas or actions, they got upset with me and did not want to work or be with me any more. It is not to say that I did not have the right to express my disagreement but the way I did it was so harsh and critical that people moved into resistance, exactly the same way I did when I was a severely criticized child. 

It took me a long time to understand that if I wanted to generate lasting change I needed to come from a loving and accepting place within myself that gives the other person the right to do what s/he thinks best. I don’t have to agree with it, but I must respect it. 

Compassion is not giving excuses but knowing that everyone at any given moment in time is trying to do their best to meet a need regardless of my opinion on how they may attempt to do that. 

Compassion assumes that everyone wants to meet their needs by the means available to them. These means usually steam from the beliefs systems that they grew up with. 

Moving from anger to compassion removes the judgment. My inner critic who feeds on events that appear to be unjust or not good enough is now replaced by an observer.

In compassion, the observer wants connection instead of separation. The observer wants to generate change in ‘ togetherness’ which also means that it may not be possible. This topic is for another post! 🙂

Moving from fury to compassionate understanding is actually moving from separation to connection. In this action, I released anger about the way I was treated as a child and my fear of people. At the same time, I started opening to connecting and collaborating. 

40 Rules of Love Series – Easter Monday

40 Rules o f Love

Find the videos of the 40 Rules of Love Series here:

IN CONCLUSION

Today, I looked at my journey of the past 40 days. I looked at some of the posts I created and shared and saw my ups and downs. I feel so much compassion and gratitude. I feel compassion towards parts of me who was challenged, who was in pain, who shed tears, and who was angry and upset at times. I am grateful that I was encouraged to walk the journey of release and embrace. I am in awe of that part of me who was willing to show up day after day for 40 days to read the booklet, create a post, and share her journey. I am grateful for those who read the posts and responded to them by sharing their own journey with me.

THANK YOU!

GRATITUDE

Today, I invite YOU to look at your Lenten Journey with Loving eyes and see the amazing work YOU have done. See that in your commitment to creating a closer relationship with the Divine and the Loving that is so impalpable in this word, you have become a representative of God. YOU walk as an ambassador of the Light spreading Loving Kindness and Peace in the world wherever you go. God Bless You!

*Rules are from ’40 Rules of Love’ by Novel by Elif Shafak. See more about the book here (click)  

We have walked this journey together!

THANK YOU for having joined me and read  the daily blogposts I created – SEE THEM HERE (CLICK) – I hope you have joined the UNITY CONNECTED FACEBOOK GROUP where I also shared about the contemplative questions.  (click on the buttons below to join)

Picture Source Unsplash/ Featured Image: rachel-walker–unsplash

40 Rules of Love Series – Easter Sunday

40 Rules o f Love

Find the videos of the 40 Rules of Love Series here:

Today, we are embracing our journey and God’s Love for us. 

Our Lent Booklet reminds us today that when we look at Jesus’ story we realize that the most important things was his message. Resurrection is a metaphor for renewal. Jesus was an enlightened rabbi who showed the way to abundant living. During our Lenten journey we walked the road to Enlightenment, we have transformed our lives.

We are reminded that we have the power every day to transform our live experiences and rose above the past and turn our challenges into opportunities. 

Today, I invite you to contemplate the quote below. Let me know how you have transformed you life over our Lenten Journey. 

Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the
renewing of your minds, so that you may discern what is the will of
God—what is good and acceptable and perfect. Romans 12:2

Today we affirm: I renew my mind with each new day.

*Rules are from ’40 Rules of Love’ by Novel by Elif Shafak. See more about the book here (click)  

Let’s walk this journey together!

Join me by reading the daily blogposts I create – SEE THEM HERE (CLICK) – and joining the UNITY CONNECTED FACEBOOK GROUP where I invite you to share about the contemplative questions.  (click on the buttons below to join)

Picture Source Unsplash/ Featured Image: rachel-walker–unsplash

Contemplation – Day 40

A life without Love is of no account. Don’t ask yourself what kind of love you should seek, spiritual or material, divine or mundane, Eastern or Western. Divisions only lead to more divisions. Love has no labels, no definitions. It is what it is, pure and simple. Love is the water of life. And a lover is a soul of fire! The universe turns differently when fire loves water.

I let go and look ahead with hope.

Today was an interesting day. All I did today was Loving myself through layers of limitations that I have uncovered over the past 40 days. I spent time in Forgiveness – I was being serious about it! – and then it occurred to me that true forgiveness is acceptance and loving what is. Forgiveness does not mean that I can force myself believing in something or doing something differently as of now. In forgiveness I compassionately embrace me with all my flaws  Remember? “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” (Luke 23:34) In this famous Bible quote I see Jesus’ Love for the world regardless of its great shortcomings. So, I did the same. I counted my flaws and just Loved them with a passion (and a smile)!

Read: DAY40,  40 Rules of Love, form Release to Embrace (click)

40 Days – Day 40

40 Days of Lent – From Release to Embrace

Rule 40

A life without Love is of no account. Don’t ask yourself what kind of love you should seek, spiritual or material, divine or mundane, Eastern or Western. Divisions only lead to more divisions. Love has no labels, no definitions. It is what it is, pure and simple. Love is the water of life. And a lover is a soul of fire! The universe turns differently when fire loves water.”

Listen to the Rule on Youtube:

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/Y6uYAdUJBIo

Today, we are  tuly releasing and letting go and embracing God’s Love for us. 

HOLY SATURDAY

Our Lent Booklet reminds us today that in Jesus’ death we observe the death of all old ideas and outdated beliefs. Like Mary and the disciples after Jesus’ demise, we feel lost not knowing what would happen next. It is a waiting and of uncertainty. 

We pause in stillness, we experience the void then let it go. In that we trust that the flame of home in our hearts will be rekindled.

Today, I invite you to contemplate on Rule No40 and the quote below. Let me know how practicing ‘truly releasing and letting go in the silence’ worked for you today. 

For God alone my soul waits in silence, for my hope is from him. Psalm 62:5

Today we affirm: I let go and look ahead with hope.

*Rules are from ’40 Rules of Love’ by Novel by Elif Shafak. See more about the book here (click)  

Let’s walk this journey together!

Join me by reading the daily blogposts I create – SEE THEM HERE (CLICK) – and joining the UNITY CONNECTED FACEBOOK GROUP where I invite you to share about the contemplative questions.  (click on the buttons below to join)

Picture Source Unsplash/ Featured Image: rachel-walker–unsplash

Contemplation – Day 39

While the part change, the whole always remains the same. For every thief who departs this world, a new one is born. And every decent person who passes away is replaced by a new one. In this way, not only does nothing remain the same, but also nothing ever really changes. For every Sufi who dies, another is born somewhere.

In acceptance and trust, I practice spiritual surrender.

Today, I was contemplating the cycle of change, balance and the ultimate surrender. Life seems to be like a series of ‘two steps ahead, one step back’s. Every time I need to step back, I find myself off balance and I need to find my way back. Today, I experienced one of those setbacks. Jesus’ story reminded me today of the ultimate surrender and acceptance – of death. I am only asked to release all my  attachments: all my great ideas, my solutions, my judgements and my opinions and hand them over … in practising spiritual surrender. 

Read: DAY39,  40 Rules of Love, form Release to Embrace (click)

40 Days – Day 39

40 Days of Lent – From Release to Embrace

Rule 39

While the part change, the whole always remains the same. For every thief who departs this world, a new one is born. And every decent person who passes away is replaced by a new one. In this way, not only does nothing remain the same, but also nothing ever really changes. For every Sufi who dies, another is born somewhere.”

Listen to the Rule on Youtube:

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/6hNwmWtsS5Y

Today, we are accepting our losses  and embracing God’s Love for us. 

GOOD FRIDAY

Our Lent Booklet reminds us today that when we experience a loss, there is no option other than to accept it. Ends are invitations to let go and behold a more enduring reality, the life beyond the death.  With God it’s never really the end. 

Today, I invite you to contemplate on Rule No39 and the quote below. Let me know how practicing acceptance worked for you today. 

Then Jesus, crying with a loud voice, said, “Father, into your hands I commend my spirit.” Luke 23:46

Today we affirm: In acceptance and trust, I practice spiritual surrender.

*Rules are from ’40 Rules of Love’ by Novel by Elif Shafak. See more about the book here (click)  

Let’s walk this journey together!

Join me by reading the daily blogposts I create – SEE THEM HERE (CLICK) – and joining the UNITY CONNECTED FACEBOOK GROUP where I invite you to share about the contemplative questions.  (click on the buttons below to join)

Picture Source Unsplash/ Featured Image: rachel-walker–unsplash

Contemplation – Day 38

It is never too late to ask yourself, “Am I ready to change the life I am living? Am I ready to change within?” Even if a single day in your life is the same as the day before, it surely is a pity. At every moment and with each new breath, one should be renewed and renewed again. There is only one way to be born into a new life: to die before death..

I let go of worry.

Am I ready to change the life I am living? Am I ready to change within?

I have moved around a lot in my life. I lived in many countries. I have changed jobs and professions numerous times. Out there, my life is a ‘great change’ but have I changed inside?  I am sure I have but God, aren’t I ready to change what made me run the first place!

In my experience, there is always another layer of awareness, – it is like pealing an onion – that brings me to another bit of limitation to release. During the Lenten Season I have been diligently gaining insight of and releasing whatever hindrance showed up … because I am ready!

Read: DAY38,  40 Rules of Love, form Release to Embrace (click)

40 Days – Day 38

40 Days of Lent – From Release to Embrace

Rule 38

It is never too late to ask yourself, “Am I ready to change the life I am living? Am I ready to change within?” Even if a single day in your life is the same as the day before, it surely is a pity. At every moment and with each new breath, one should be renewed and renewed again. There is only one way to be born into a new life: to die before death.”

Listen to the Rule on Youtube:

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/Zrpw4fAIuBc

Today, we are releasing worry and embracing God’s Love for us. 

MOUNDY THURSDAY

Our Lent Booklet reminds us today that as we enter the ‘upper room’ in our prayer or meditation, we can release all worry. During Passover, Jesus shared a message of unconditional Love and the disciples sang songs of Gratitude and Deliverance. Christ Consciousness is the upper room. As we lift our consciousness higher we naturally move out of fear and worry into positive expectations of God’s promise.

Today, I invite you to contemplate on Rule No38 and the quote below. Let me know how practicing reaching the upper room into Christ Consciousness  worked for you today. 

Do not let your hearts be troubled, and do not let them be afraid. John 14:27

Today we affirm: This Maundy Thursday, I let go of worry.

*Rules are from ’40 Rules of Love’ by Novel by Elif Shafak. See more about the book here (click)  

Let’s walk this journey together!

Join me by reading the daily blogposts I create – SEE THEM HERE (CLICK) – and joining the UNITY CONNECTED FACEBOOK GROUP where I invite you to share about the contemplative questions.  (click on the buttons below to join)

Picture Source Unsplash/ Featured Image: rachel-walker–unsplash