Today was a very strange day. I changed my mind drastically about something that cost me an additional 150 euros. Money is something I have always been cautious with. This change was sudden. I am usually pragmatic. So I started to observe what was going on more closely.
I woke from a sleepless night with a headache and to my neighbours’ discussion in Italian that I could hear so clearly as if they were having a discussion in my room. Breakfast wasn’t much success either. The breakfast room was loud and full of teenagers. My regular waiter, Massimo, was the sweetest; he recognized my distress and organized a secluded table for me so I could gave my coffee in peace. Sweet man!
Shortly after I returned to my room, I noticed that I had a terrible back-ache. I could hardly move. OK, I am just going to lie down a bit and see – I thought. But as soon as my head hit the pillow, I just wanted to go. But where to? Just the day before, I bought my flight tickets and my travels were due in two days. I can surely wait another day or two! Look, the sun is shining! Let’s have some fun today! It was no good. I was decided. I could not bear another night with an aching back and my loud neighbours.
I packed up in a matter of minutes, then checked out, got into the car, drove 2 hours, returned the car, got a new flight ticket – I couldn’t change the ones I had 🙁 – checked in, had something to eat and found myself taking off. That wasn’t too bad, was it?
But then doubt set in. I must be out of my mind! Two days is not the end of the world! I should have stayed a couple of days more, I should have waited it out. I could have avoided the extra costs… what’s wrong with me? Why am I fleeing? What am I running away from? What am I rushing towards? What is happening? Can I gain some awareness, please?
My head kept on running in circles. I thought I was a coward. At the first sign of any physical discomfort I fled to presumed safety. I judged myself for running to a ‘safe heaven’ that I know well comes with a price of playing with the rules. I felt silly. I made a mistake. How can I undo this now? …
Then, as luck would have it, a lovely Finnish lady bumped into me and started chatting with me. She seemed completely lost and shortly she gave me the impression of Disney’s Mulan, who at some point managed to burn someone’s house down in her efforts of making a good impression. Apart from loosing her scarf ,she changed her accommodation three times while waiting for boarding because she hadn’t realized that she would not be able to arrive to her final destination during the night. Apart from Finnish she did not speak any languages well enough so to have a proper conversation. Apparently, she had been traveling Italy and other countries for a while now – not sure why – and all she seemed to do was changing her mind about what to do next.
She taught me a great lesson with her absent minded, whimsical and entirely confused attitude: JUST GO WITH IT! If it sucks just change the course of your actions, start a new journey, and just keep on going. No explanation is needed. There is not right or wrong choice or action. In Love, all is perfect, literally. Only judgement makes them wrong. All is truly well regardless how it may look.