Tag: #mandala

The Essence of who I am

People around me, my life experiences, my successes and failures, the shape of my body or the colour of my hair do not define me.

I don’t know why I chose this life. Neither do I know why I chose these particular circumstances and experiences. They are mostly difficult, challenging and often lonely. And still, none of this changes the fact of who I am both as a Soul and as a person. Not even my flaws dim the essence of who I am: the fascinating and loving person that I am.

I grew up with deep seated fear and hatred around me. I learnt to believe that people are nasty and vicious because I did something wrong to hurt them. In return, naturally, they blamed me for feeling wretched. It took me 40 odd years to know that none of this has anything do with me.

I may live in (with) it but I am not of it. At all. I never have been. My experiences do not say anything about who I am, they just remind me of what I need to learn or let go of this lifetime.

In life, we are mostly judged by our appearances but I do not need to buy into that. What I am learning is that all of ‘this’ – the way the world sees me, experiences me, and reflects itself back to me – is irrelevant to who I truly am.

I spent most of my life proving myself and wanting the world to recognize me and see me for the wonderful and unique person that I am. I am now realizing that I chose the wrong crowd because my uniqueness is not of this world.

As an artist, my most precious audience is my source: the indwelling Divine power that supplies both the inspiration and the applause.

I chose a burdensome life but it does not mean that there is anything wrong with me. Actually, my life is teaching me to see what an absolute gem I am.

Featured image is by Kandinsky

This blogpost was originally published on 25 Dec 2021

My Lenten revelation

(Note: this post was originally posted on 22 March 2022)

So, how is your Lenten season going?

Mine is going pretty well. Rather interesting! Honestly, it is beyond my expectations!

I am once again surprised at what different focus means. Just by setting an intention to ‘release’ any limiting beliefs during this season, suddenly, I am made aware of different patterns that I run within myself that do not serve me.

During my contemplations this Lenten season I became very clear of a pattern that I learnt as a child and also a pattern that I developed as a child in order to protect myself.

When I was a child under the communistic and socialistic ideology of a central European country, we were basically drilled to become soldier like creatures. The first and most important qualities of a human being were to be obedient and disciplined. We had to recognise authority, especially the authority of our superiors and the leaders of the party. We were even discouraged to think for ourselves but blindly follow command.

As a result of that, I became resentful but I still adopted to a great extend to the belief system of my environment. On the other hand, however, I became painfully aware that I was not a good soldier. I simply did not agree with the ways we were treated. And so, I became rebellious in an artistic way which meant that I was troublesome and so I was in detention constantly.

As a response to that and in order to protect myself from the constant scolding, I adopted a ‘service like’ attitude towards my main carers or people in a ‘caring’ position, figures of authority, so to feel safe in the world that seemingly detested me for who I was.

As my ‘service’ to those whom I needed to take care of me, I allowed to let their fears, frustrations and other unmanageable feelings down on me. I basically became a punchbag.

I suspect that I felt strong enough to take it all on. At the same time, I am sure that I was also afraid of being rejected from society and from the groups of my peers because I wasn’t able to get in line with all the other silent sufferers.

So, the other day, I had this painful experience where I noticed how I actually go about running this pattern. I found myself in a situation where I was in disagreement with a figure of authority whom I felt, I was dependent on for something. I noticed, how I made the conscious choice to allow him to run his fear and disagreement down on me using abusive language. I also realized that I was doing that in order to smooth out the discord between us. I’d rather hurt myself so the other person can feel better, hoping that this way he would accept me and support me.

I lived most of my life with this limiting belief and behavioural pattern.

On one hand, my learning is to know and understand that people have the ability to deal with their own issues, problems, fears, and challenges and I don’t have to step in and ‘save the day’. On the other hand, it is time for me to let go of the fear that I can be harmed or I won’t be taken care of, just because I think differently or disagree.

So this is my Lenten season revelation so far. As my release and renewal affirmation, I affirm that

I let go of my need to feel safe by diffusing situations with figures of authority. I let go and release feelings of inadequacy the drives me to take on more than my share in any situation. I embrace myself knowing that I am good in God just as I am. I am lovable, acceptable, and I don’t need to take over any additional burdens in order to be loved.

 

audio version of the above

Enneagram Limitations 101

Thoughts on the different ENNEAGRAM Types

Fist of all, I would like to apologize for being ‘harsh’ on us. I meant to be ‘caring’ though it is tough-Love, I know!  All that I am sharing on this page is based on my personal experiences and observations. I am sorry if you find some of my observations upsetting or ‘not nice’. My intention is to demonstrate how these different characters limit the greatness of who we truly are. 

Our defence mechanisms are not ‘nice’ at all even though we may perceive some of them charming or eloquent. Limitation means that you are hiding the greatness of WHO YOU TRULY ARE behind layers of deceit, a persona that was created in response to a scary world when you were a child. Who you are is much greater than your false identity.

I am an ENG8, so I would like to ‘challenge’ you to shed off some layers of your fear based limitations by taking an honest look at your thinking patters and behaviours. So you can become the magnificent human being of who you are at your higher octaves!

Continue reading Enneagram Limitations 101

Aglow

When I feel at one with God, I am aglow, shining the light of spiritual truth. Like a candle flame, my inner light makes the divinity of all the world’s people visible to me. Beholding the Christ light all around me makes my heart expand, making me ready to share the love I’d previously held inside or reserved for those closest to me.

Today I keep my mind on God and let my divine light shine everywhere. As I remember that God is absolute good, everything else falls away. I am God’s beloved child, and the light within me is pure and strong. I am bright and brilliant, the light of God uniquely expressing as me. With love and in peace, I bless others with my beaming positivity.

Source

The Invisible Help

Do you remember the movie called ‘the Legend of Bagger Vance’ released back in 2000? It is one of my favourites!

I re-watched it the hundredth time the other night. I love being reminded of the loving support that (re)appears each time we are lost or unable to move forward. It comes as a gentle push – sometimes not so gentle 🙂 – and only stays until we find our gripping on life again. It reminds us of our own greatness and makes sure that we can manage what were are dealing with at the time. Then it moves back to the invisible, but never ceases to exist.

This is exactly how the Divine Presence operates in our lives. There is a constant movement of Spirit present in different shapes and forms depending on what we need at any given moment. Sometimes it appears as a supportive stranger, sometimes as a newspaper article guiding us to the ‘right’ direction. There are as many examples as many needs. 

Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you:
For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.
Matthew 7:7-8 KJV

Sometimes, we do not even need to ask because we do not even know that we are in need, help still arrives. The protagonist in this film has past beyond ‘asking’ because he has given upon himself when Bagger Vance arrives to guide him back to the ‘light’, back to his Life and his Destiny with his witty and wise humour. 

Focus

Knowing that I am a powerful spiritual being and heir to God’s abundant good keeps my focus on the positive. When I remember that God is good all the time I am not disturbed by anything that is happening in or around me.

I remain fully aware of the happiness and sadness, the triumph and turmoil that comprise the human experience. I don’t deny the existence of life’s more unpleasant realities, but I do commit my focus to what is in my power to change, namely my thoughts and feelings.

My positive focus keeps me upbeat in all circumstances. Others notice it and feel inspired by my example. Sharing my optimistic focus is a blessing in itself for which I am grateful.

He is your praise; he is your God, who has done for you these great and awesome things that your own eyes have seen.—Deuteronomy 10:21

Weekly Contemplations W10

Rule 10
The quest for love changes us. There is no seeker among those who search for love who has not matured on the way. The moment you start looking for love, you start to change within and without.

This week I will be contemplating on the the POWER OF LOVE. How I have matured as a result of my quest for finding LOVE. Not the idealized posture of Love between humans but the Love that …

“… Love that overthrows empires. Love that binds two hearts together come hellfire and brimstone.” Shakespeare Romeo and Juliet

 If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing. 4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.                 1 Corinthians 13/1-4

LOVE that Rumi sang so beautifully about, LOVE between the Lover and the Beloved.

Tranquil

Throughout the day, regardless of circumstances, I maintain a composed countenance. I stop, take a deep breath, and envision a still, quiet pond. My mind is tranquil, and my soul trusts that all is working together for good.

My calm and steady manner brings peace all around me. My faith is strong, and the peace of God that passes human understanding fills me. I see any discord as an opportunity to demonstrate my tranquility through my calm bearing. With a relaxed and rested body and peaceful mind, I take unexpected developments in stride. I am grateful for the ability to choose harmony even in inharmonious circumstances.

I end each day in peaceful, thankful prayer. I rest in blissful stillness, feeling the warmth and presence of God within me.

Be still, and know that I am God!—Psalm 46:10

LINK TO DAILY WORD

Weekly Contemplations W9

Rule 9
East, west, south, or north makes little difference. No matter what your destination, just be sure to make every journey, a journey within. If you travel within, you’ll visit the whole full World and beyond.