Tag: #spiritual

The Essence of who I am

People around me, my life experiences, my successes and failures, the shape of my body or the colour of my hair do not define me.

I don’t know why I chose this life. Neither do I know why I chose these particular circumstances and experiences. They are mostly difficult, challenging and often lonely. And still, none of this changes the fact of who I am both as a Soul and as a person. Not even my flaws dim the essence of who I am: the fascinating and loving person that I am.

I grew up with deep seated fear and hatred around me. I learnt to believe that people are nasty and vicious because I did something wrong to hurt them. In return, naturally, they blamed me for feeling wretched. It took me 40 odd years to know that none of this has anything do with me.

I may live in (with) it but I am not of it. At all. I never have been. My experiences do not say anything about who I am, they just remind me of what I need to learn or let go of this lifetime.

In life, we are mostly judged by our appearances but I do not need to buy into that. What I am learning is that all of ‘this’ – the way the world sees me, experiences me, and reflects itself back to me – is irrelevant to who I truly am.

I spent most of my life proving myself and wanting the world to recognize me and see me for the wonderful and unique person that I am. I am now realizing that I chose the wrong crowd because my uniqueness is not of this world.

As an artist, my most precious audience is my source: the indwelling Divine power that supplies both the inspiration and the applause.

I chose a burdensome life but it does not mean that there is anything wrong with me. Actually, my life is teaching me to see what an absolute gem I am.

Featured image is by Kandinsky

This blogpost was originally published on 25 Dec 2021

My Lenten revelation

(Note: this post was originally posted on 22 March 2022)

So, how is your Lenten season going?

Mine is going pretty well. Rather interesting! Honestly, it is beyond my expectations!

I am once again surprised at what different focus means. Just by setting an intention to ‘release’ any limiting beliefs during this season, suddenly, I am made aware of different patterns that I run within myself that do not serve me.

During my contemplations this Lenten season I became very clear of a pattern that I learnt as a child and also a pattern that I developed as a child in order to protect myself.

When I was a child under the communistic and socialistic ideology of a central European country, we were basically drilled to become soldier like creatures. The first and most important qualities of a human being were to be obedient and disciplined. We had to recognise authority, especially the authority of our superiors and the leaders of the party. We were even discouraged to think for ourselves but blindly follow command.

As a result of that, I became resentful but I still adopted to a great extend to the belief system of my environment. On the other hand, however, I became painfully aware that I was not a good soldier. I simply did not agree with the ways we were treated. And so, I became rebellious in an artistic way which meant that I was troublesome and so I was in detention constantly.

As a response to that and in order to protect myself from the constant scolding, I adopted a ‘service like’ attitude towards my main carers or people in a ‘caring’ position, figures of authority, so to feel safe in the world that seemingly detested me for who I was.

As my ‘service’ to those whom I needed to take care of me, I allowed to let their fears, frustrations and other unmanageable feelings down on me. I basically became a punchbag.

I suspect that I felt strong enough to take it all on. At the same time, I am sure that I was also afraid of being rejected from society and from the groups of my peers because I wasn’t able to get in line with all the other silent sufferers.

So, the other day, I had this painful experience where I noticed how I actually go about running this pattern. I found myself in a situation where I was in disagreement with a figure of authority whom I felt, I was dependent on for something. I noticed, how I made the conscious choice to allow him to run his fear and disagreement down on me using abusive language. I also realized that I was doing that in order to smooth out the discord between us. I’d rather hurt myself so the other person can feel better, hoping that this way he would accept me and support me.

I lived most of my life with this limiting belief and behavioural pattern.

On one hand, my learning is to know and understand that people have the ability to deal with their own issues, problems, fears, and challenges and I don’t have to step in and ‘save the day’. On the other hand, it is time for me to let go of the fear that I can be harmed or I won’t be taken care of, just because I think differently or disagree.

So this is my Lenten season revelation so far. As my release and renewal affirmation, I affirm that

I let go of my need to feel safe by diffusing situations with figures of authority. I let go and release feelings of inadequacy the drives me to take on more than my share in any situation. I embrace myself knowing that I am good in God just as I am. I am lovable, acceptable, and I don’t need to take over any additional burdens in order to be loved.

 

audio version of the above

40 Days – Day 14

40 Days of Lent – From Release to Embrace

introduction

Rule 14

“God is busy with the completion of your work, both outwardly and inwardly. He is fully occupied with you. Every human being is a work in progress that is slowly but inexorably moving toward realization. We are each an unfinished work of art both waiting and striving to be completed. God deals with each of us separately because humanity is a fine art of skilled penmanship where every single dot is equally important for the entire picture.“*

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/rQx7yl6xcvo

Today, we are releasing Doubt and embracing God’s Love for us. 

Our Lent Booklet reminds us today that doubt can be an unsettling visitor. However, we can look at our questions as seeking greater knowledge and truth rather then unfaithfulness. 

What are your questions about your beliefs and convictions? What are your doubts? Sit in the Silence and wait. Let the truth come to you. AS we exercise faith, we trust that clarity will come.

Today, I invite you to contemplate on Rule No14 and the quote below. Let me know how practicing releasing doubt worked for you today. 

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own insight. Proverbs 3:5

Today we affirm: Faithfully, I wait for truth.

download THE LENT BOOKLET

*Rules are from ’40 Rules of Love’ by Novel by Elif Shafak. See more about the book here (click)  

Let’s walk this journey together!

Join me by reading the daily blogposts I create – SEE THEM HERE (CLICK) – and joining the UNITY CONNECTED FACEBOOK GROUP where I invite you to share about the contemplative questions.  (click on the buttons below to join)

Picture Source Unsplash/ Featured Image: rachel-walker–unsplash

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YOUTUBE

40 Days – Day 13

40 Days of Lent – From Release to Embrace

introduction

Rule 13

“Try not to resist the changes, which come your way. Instead let life live through you. And do not worry that your life is turning upside down. How do you know that the side you are used to is better than the one to come?”*

Listen to the Rule on YOUTUBE:

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/cfrt5O2e_XY

Today, we are releasing Discouragement and embracing God’s Love for us. 

Our Lent Booklet reminds us today that discouragement stems from a sense of perfectionism and impatience.  We often expect too much of ourselves. We need to learn that mistakes are not failures, it is part of our progress. As we let go of discouragement we embrace our mistakes that is part of our learning and growing.

In my experience, change requires many learnings and mistakes. I am, at the moment, learning a new language and a new culture. I make tons of mistakes and I often feel ridiculous in my odd ways. Sometimes discouragement tells me to stop and crawl back to safety where I look composed and all together.

Today, I invite you to contemplate on Rule No13 and the quote below. Let me know how practicing releasing discouragement worked for you today. 

Do not be afraid or dismayed; be strong and courageous. Joshua 10:25

Today we affirm: When I make mistakes, I’m making progress.

download THE LENT BOOKLET

*Rules are from ’40 Rules of Love’ by Novel by Elif Shafak. See more about the book here (click)  

Let’s walk this journey together!

Join me by reading the daily blogposts I create – SEE THEM HERE (CLICK) – and joining the UNITY CONNECTED FACEBOOK GROUP where I invite you to share about the contemplative questions.  (click on the buttons below to join)

Picture Source Unsplash/ Featured Image: rachel-walker–unsplash

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BLOGPOSTs
YOUTUBE

40 Days – Day 12

40 Days of Lent – From Release to Embrace

introduction

Rule 12

“There are more fake gurus and false teachers in this world than the number of stars in the visible universe. Don’t confuse power-driven, self-centered people with true mentors. A genuine spiritual master will not direct your attention to himself or herself and will not expect absolute obedience or utter admiration from you, but instead will help you to appreciate and admire your inner self. True mentors are as transparent as glass. They let the light of God pass through them.“* 

Today, we are releasing Discontent and embracing God’s Love for us. 

Our Lent Booklet reminds us today that discontent can have many faces. Every experiences we have however is there to carry a message for us. What if, just on the
other side of discontent, a more profound love lies, waiting to pour
through us and into the world?  Discontent can serve as a catalyst for growth. If we are willing to learn the wisdom it contains.

Today, I invite you to contemplate on Rule No12 and the quote below. Let me know how practicing releasing discontent worked for you today. 

I have learned to be content with whatever I have. I know
what it is to have little, and I know what it is to have plenty.
Philippians 4:11-12

Today we affirm: Through spiritual understanding, I follow the divine wisdom
available in every moment of my life.

download THE LENT BOOKLET

*Rules are from ’40 Rules of Love’ by Novel by Elif Shafak. See more about the book here (click)  

Let’s walk this journey together!

Join me by reading the daily blogposts I create – SEE THEM HERE (CLICK) – and joining the UNITY CONNECTED FACEBOOK GROUP where I invite you to share about the contemplative questions.  (click on the buttons below to join)

Picture Source Unsplash/ Featured Image: rachel-walker–unsplash

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YOUTUBE

Contemplation – Day11

“The midwife knows that when there is no pain, the way for the baby cannot be opened and the mother cannot give birth. Likewise, for a new self to be born, hardship is necessary. Just as clay needs to go through intense heat to become strong, Love can only be perfected in pain.”

Darkness has no hold on me. I let go of darkness and allow illumination.

Once again, so appropriate. The weather was gloomy today, so was my mood. Every time I closed my eyes and start ed moving closer to Love, I heard ‘let it all go’. But I don’t want to. It is painful. As parts of me is drifting out of my consciousness, I am feeling a sense of loss.

So, I keep on holding onto ideas of myself that though sounds nice, they are not actually true. I am not as independent as I pretend to be. I often feel lost and I wish I could ask for more help. I am not as adventurous as I seem to be. I’d prefer to be at home, sitting with a hot cup of coffee reading on the sofa. I prefer laying in bed under the deveau or by the pool rather than going about changing the world. The person I built myself to be was a ‘means to an end’, my personal response to the environment I grew up in. But I do not need the mascara any more. I can just be me now: A lazy bum with a book fetish! 🙂 hahaha! It does not really matter, anyway. What matter is that I hold nothing between me and Love any more. I let Love mould me now.

Read: DAY11,  40 Rules of Love, form Release to Embrace (click)

 

40 Days – Day 11

40 Days of Lent – From Release to Embrace

introduction

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/Y7qbMe54VaY

Rule 11

Today, we are releasing Discontent and embracing God’s Love for us. 

“The midwife knows that when there is no pain, the way for the baby cannot be opened and the mother cannot give birth. Likewise, for a new self to be born, hardship is necessary. Just as clay needs to go through intense heat to become strong, Love can only be perfected in pain.”* 

Today, we are releasing Darkness and embracing God’s Love for us. 

Our Lent Booklet reminds us today that when we find ourselves in darkness and feeling trapped or overwhelmed we can choose to step back, centre ourselves instead of being succumb to panic and despair. As we turn within we turn to the power that possesses our spiritual energy and divine luminescence. 

As we remember our true power, we let go of trying to control the darkness. In that we understand that it is only a veil of fear and doubt. It dissipates in our trust in our inner light-energy.

Today, I invite you to contemplate on Rule No11 and the quote below. Let me know how practicing releasing darkness worked for you today. 

The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not overcome it. John 1:5

Today we affirm: Darkness has no hold on me. I let go of darkness
and allow illumination.

download THE LENT BOOKLET

*Rules are from ’40 Rules of Love’ by Novel by Elif Shafak. See more about the book here (click)  

Let’s walk this journey together!

Join me by reading the daily blogposts I create – SEE THEM HERE (CLICK) – and joining the UNITY CONNECTED FACEBOOK GROUP where I invite you to share about the contemplative questions.  (click on the buttons below to join)

Picture Source Unsplash/ Featured Image: rachel-walker–unsplash

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YOUTUBE

Contemplation – Day10

“The quest for love changes us. There is no seeker among those who search for love who has not matured on the way. The moment you start looking for love, you start to change within and without.“

I look for the good and speak words of praise in every situation.

I have written about this Rule a few months ago. Here is what I had to say about it. It is simply amazing how what I am talking about in this video is aligned with today’s affirmation. Let me know how your contemplation went today.

Read: DAY10, 40 Rules of Love, form Release to Embrace (click)

40 Days – Day 10

40 Days of Lent – From Release to Embrace

introduction

Rule 10

“The quest for love changes us. There is no seeker among those who search for love who has not matured on the way. The moment you start looking for love, you start to change within and without.“* 

Today, we are releasing  Criticism and embracing God’s Love for us. 

Our Lent Booklet reminds us today that if we wanted to live a happy, healthy, and prosperous life we must give up the need to criticize others. We are invited to make a concerted effort not to be defensive when someone offers us feedback but take it as an opportunity to grow.

In my experience, criticism is only painful when we are criticized about something that we already judge ourselves about. Every time I am criticized or judged I look inside and listen to my own inner voice. I do not defend myself, or argue with the criticism. I stay neutral as much as I can so I can see if there is something that I need to let go of, heal or forgive within myself. When I release the inner critic, I stop hearing the other ones. 

Today, I invite you to contemplate on Rule No10 and the quote below. Let me know how practicing releasing criticism worked for you today. 

The ear that heeds wholesome admonition will lodge among the wise – Proverbs 15:31

Today we affirm: I look for the good and speak words of praise in every situation.

download THE LENT BOOKLET

*Rules are from ’40 Rules of Love’ by Novel by Elif Shafak. See more about the book here (click)  

Let’s walk this journey together!

Join me by reading the daily blogposts I create – SEE THEM HERE (CLICK) – and joining the UNITY CONNECTED FACEBOOK GROUP where I invite you to share about the contemplative questions.  (click on the buttons below to join)

Picture Source Unsplash/ Featured Image: rachel-walker–unsplash

FACEBOOK GROUP
BLOGPOSTs
YOUTUBE

Contemplation – Day9

“East, west, south, or north makes little difference. No matter what your destination, just be sure to make every journey, a journey within. If you travel within, you’ll visit the whole full World and beyond.”

The moment I catch myself complaining, I start to count my blessings.

It amazes me how much the daily rules and affirmations line up with my experiences. Yesterday, I started a new journey. I flew to another country, I encountered numerous hiccups that I would usually react to. This time, however, probably partly due to the fact that I was exhausted, I stayed calm. I kept on telling myself to step back and observe – literally! 🙂 The flight was delayed, my seat way taken, then denied to take an empty one, was reminded that the insurance I had bought through the broker was a waste of money, no one bothered to show me how the car that I have never driven before worked, the hotel I had booked my accommodation was closed for the winter season. As soon as, my mind started to complain (inwardly), I just kept on telling myself (inwardly) to BREATHE! instead of ‘speak’. It worked.

The next day, I looked at my journey again, from an inner point of view and what I saw was: a disabled man who moved so I can sit down on the plane; the Divine supporting me to drive through an unknown part of the world in an unfamiliar car in the rain; I ‘by accident’ found the hotel where my reservation was – not the one I had booked in – and the receptionist remembered having seen my name on the guest list; the weather was supposed to be miserable but instead it was glories so I went to sightsee; when I could not start the unfamiliar car, a kind and patient lady explained the ‘hows’ to me on the phone. I am still counting … 

God works in mysterious ways … if I let IT. 

Read: DAY9, 40 Rules of Love, form Release to Embrace (click)