The Essence of who I am

People around me, my life experiences, my successes and failures, the shape of my body or the colour of my hair do not define me.

I don’t know why I chose this life. Neither do I know why I chose these particular circumstances and experiences. They are mostly difficult, challenging and often lonely. And still, none of this changes the fact of who I am both as a Soul and as a person. Not even my flaws dim the essence of who I am, the fascinating and loving person that I am.

I grew up with deep seated fear and hatred around me. I learnt to believe that people are nasty and vicious because I did something wrong to hurt them. In return, naturally, they blamed me for feeling wretched. It took me 52 years to know that none of this has anything do with me.

I may live in (with) it but I am not of it. At all. I never have been. My experiences does not say anything about who I am, they just remind me of what I need to learn or let go of this lifetime.

In life, we are mostly judged by our appearances but I do not need to buy into that. What I am learning is that all of ‘this’ – the way the world sees me, experiences me, and reflects itself back to me – is irrelevant to who I truly am.

I spent most of my life proving myself and wanting the world to recognize me and see me for the wonderful and unique person that I am. I am now realizing that I chose the wrong crowd because my uniqueness is not of this world.

As an artist, my most precious audience is my source: the indwelling Divine power that supplies both the inspiration and the applause.

I chose a burdensome life but it does not mean that there is anything wrong with me. Actually, my life is teaching me to see what an absolute gem I am.

Featured image is by Kandinsky