Blog – Ildiko Kudlik

From Bitterness to Wholeness

VIDEO

0-1:30 What I have been busy with recently
1:30-2:50 Brave new world of specialisation
2:50-4:40 The process from a Unity stand point
4:40-5:15 What is the Cycle from Bitterness to Wholeness
5:15-5:30 1st step
5:30-6:45 2nd step
6:45- 8:20 3rd step
8:20-9:30 4th and 5th steps
9:30-10:10 in closing

On a personal note for the video

It feels that I have arrived to the top of the mountain. Naturally it doesn’t mean that my journey has stopped. I continue on into the greater depth of Oneness. I suspect as we reach a certain station on our personal and spiritual journey, we stop and marvel. I have done the same. As I was taking in the view, I received an idea of a system that comprises my journey in stations. This is what this video is about. I detailed it below.

Our spiritual evolution is is a cyclical process on an upward spiral. But for now it feels that I really understand the cycle of the journey I call from Bitterness to Wholeness. I look at it as a cycle because it is constantly swirling presence of energy. I walk this journey with consciousness awareness on a daily basis in a very practical way. In order to get here, however, I needed to discover the major elements that I call stations on this journey.

The stations are:
1. Self awareness
2. Forgiveness and letting go
3. Awareness of the greater picture (Acceptance)
4. Gratitude and Compassion
5. Wholeness and Oneness (Surrender)

Each element or station, as I discovered them in their depth, builds on each other that’s why I call this a cyclic process.

The Process

Probably self-awareness is or has been the major part of my journey because it comprises of a lot of different things. On one hand it is a discovery of our denials, bitterness, anger or our victimhood. It is also about breaking down the false self-image that we built to protect ourselves. It is also about our wishes and dreams. At the same time, it helps us discover our powers, strengths, and uniqueness. And finally, it is about looking at our journey so far – becoming aware of the glorious as well as the painful events in our lives; how we have integrated all that into our understanding of ourselves; and what conclusions we have drawn about ourselves as a result of these events. Though self-awareness is a great part of the journey, it’s only the beginning or the foundation of the greater journey.

The second station is forgiveness and letting go. This is probably the most challenging part of the cycle. We need to understand, however, that forgiveness and letting go opens the door to greater, deeper and more beautiful experiences . Through forgiveness and letting go, we, literally, embrace our Life with all its twists and turns in its entirety. Letting go often refers to letting go of false ideas, self images, and misunderstandings as well as false expectations. (NOTE: I have created a video on forgiveness, pls find the link further below.)

The next step of the cycle is actually the result of the previous two, which is awareness of the greater picture or the awareness of the greater journey, and an awareness of our greater-self. Meditation, contemplation, and connecting to the Divine Presence is a big part of this stage. This is the station where we start becoming aware of our spirit, our spiritual journey, our relationship with the Divine Presence or God. As we do that, we can start moving into the Loving with IT ALL, including ourselves. Loving is a sense of alignment and an awareness that we are part of ‘everything’ and ‘everything’ is the part of us. This alignment helps us accept all there is just as they are, knowing that all that is going on right now is part of a greater movement, and all is well.

The next station of the cycle is gratitude. As a result of seeing the greater picture and becoming aware of our own indwelling Loving Spirit that is constantly connected to God’s Loving Presence, and being able to experience this loving presence more consciously we become grateful. Gratitude is a conscious action. We choose to see the good. We develop faith in the good in self, in others, and in the Universe. In our gratitude, we start seeing the puzzle pieces of our lives in greater depth and as part of a bigger picture with all its challenges and beauties. We willingly see how our life is built with precision, care and Loving. We also start to see how difficulties, challenges, drama, even devastation, overcoming, and triumphs, all add to the greater movement of Life itself for us all. In gratitude, we stop judging, blaming, shaming, and expecting: We arrive to a sense of peace. I see compassion as an accompaniment to Gratitude. As we are compassionate, we accept all there is, as it is. Compassion helps us be grateful.

As we practice all the above steps, we find ourselves surrendered to the Flow of Life. At this stage, we consciously align ourselves with the Loving Presence of God. As a result, we simply find ourselves in wholeness with ourselves, our lives and our (imperfect) world; and in Oneness with the Loving that is of God.

What is on offer?

In Unity we talk about ‘raising our level of consciousness from the material world to the immaterial in a way that it effects our physical journey in a positive and practical way’. Under the brand of Spirit’nArt, I offer classes, workshops, individual discussions (mentoring/coaching sessions) that will support you to walk the cycles of the upward journey at your own pace, in your own time, with your own level of awareness using art as a tool.

You will always be safe with me. I will push you but I will also hold you.

All the classes, workshops and discussions I offer are practical with a lot of takeaways that you can integrate into your daily life. To make the journey more joyous, I use fun artsy tools!

My greatest wish for you is that you can walk your journey called Life with greater awareness of your own unique beauty, and a deeper sense of knowing of the Divine Presence that watches over you at every step of your journey, so you can experience more loving, happiness, contentedness, joy, and more smiles.

Video on Forgiveness

Compassionate Insight Course

Spiritual Education & Enrichment Program

Type of course: Experiential and immersive course that teaching skills such as developing self-awareness and offer practical applications of Unity teaching and Unity tools such as meditation and prayer

Number of credits/hours: 20

Number of classes: 6

Schedule: over a course of 6 consecutive week

Meeting place: online

Timing: 3 hours per class and additional total of 2 hours of homework

Course Description

The course aims to enable students to develop deeper self-awareness and insight into the barriers to the Love of the Divine Presence. Often people avoid gaining self-awareness is because of the severe self-judgment that they experience each time they realize their shortcomings. This course enables students to develop ways to gain insights as well as dealing with them with compassion and loving kindness.

Motto: Our task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it. Rumi

Goals: By learning to embrace self and others with imperfections students will develop resilience in order to thrive.

Final: At the end of the course the students, individually or in group, will gain greater self-awareness, particularly into those thinking and behavioural patterns that may block their deeper awareness of the Divine Presence within them. They will also be able to embrace their limitations with more compassion and self-acceptance. They will understand and start breaking down the barriers to Love.

(Result(s) of the course: the students will be able create more loving and accepting relationships with others including themselves.

Enabling: During the course, the students, individually or collectively, will develop skills such as developing insight, self-awareness, compassion, letting go and forgiveness through meditation and prayer, using artistic tools to embrace different emotions.

Course Methodology

In general, I prefer student centred approach to teaching though depending on the desired outcome I occasionally switch to teacher-centred approach. In order to ensure that I respond and adapt to students’ learning needs and that students receives quality education I change my teaching style between “The Authority Style, The Delegator Style, The Facilitator Style, The Demonstrator Style and The Hybrid Style”. I also investigate students’ learning styles which may be Visual, Auditory, Reading/Writing Preference, or Kinaesthetic.

The reason I like student centred teaching and learning is it requires that students get actively involved in the learning process and take responsibility for their own learning. It requires a mutual respect within the student – teacher relationship.

I also pay attention to my students learning styles and ensure that I vary the material to all preferred styles which are Visual, Auditory, Reading/Writing Preference, Kinaesthetic.

I also find it essential to create an active learning environment. In active learning, similarly to student centred leaning, learners are seen as people who are constructing their own understanding by interacting with knowledge and very importantly, with other people (including teachers and peers). Active Learning Environment ensures that students will truly possess the practical knowledge of the material provided. Practical knowledge means that they can adopt the material to their daily lives. Also, through active learning, constructing education is a process of co-creation, that of the teacher’s and students’. Both parties bring their entire person into the teaching and learning process, through which they both change immensely.

The class consist of 6 lessons and/or 6 sessions. Each lesson is for 3 hours with and additional two hours in total of homework time.

Class Themes

Class 1: What is insight and self-awareness. Students learn about the importance of self-awareness and how to develop it. Students will experiment with staying present with difficult feelings.

Class 2: What is self-compassion and what it is not. Students gain clarity of the true meaning of compassion and its three basic components. Students will experiment with the difference between self-compassion and pity-party.

Class 3: Letting go of resistance and Living Deeply. Students will experiment with the idea “what we resist persists.”, and the fact that suffering is the result of pain caused by resistance. Students will look at the different forms of resistance and find out their preferred form of resistance. Self-compassion requires clear understanding of our needs so students will also identify their core values by looking at their needs.

Class 4: Developing Loving Kindness and meeting difficult emotions. Student will learn the true meaning of loving kindness and how it differs from compassion. Students will also experiment with discomfort caused by difficult emotions in order to cultivate compassion. Students will also learn about the five stages of emotional resistance.

Class 5: Self-compassion and Forgiveness. Students will develop an awareness of our common humanity. Students will experiment with five steps of forgiveness with main focus on self-forgiveness.

Class 6: Review and Evaluation. During this class the students will present what they have learned during the class and discuss practical applications of their newfound experiences and understanding.

Lesson Structure

There are five main components of the structure of teaching or a lesson that varies depending on the subject and the age group we teach (and culture). These are named differently in different circles, but the main idea is that teaching goes through 5 distinct stages: Anticipatory Set, Introduction of New Material, Guided Practice, Independent Practice and Closure. Additionally, I often start the teaching with a Warmup that comes before the anticipatory set or included in it.

In practice/Activities

The groups will have discussions, group work such as brainstorming, pair work such as interview, individual work such as reflexive journaling, both written and oral tasks.

Evaluation

At the end of the course students will prove their understanding of the material and present what they have learned in an informal manner. Students may also receive peer feedback if they wish so.

Supplementary or Related Readings

Frank Giudici, Love yourself into wholeness
Self-Awareness Unit

Claiming Truth
Understanding Kenosis: To Empty Oneself

Successful Living Through Self-Awareness (article)
Rev. Nita Strauss

Vlog and blogs on compassion

Importance of self-awareness

Be a more effective leader by understanding the three horizons of self-awareness.

The stories we make up
Stories are the foundation for how we make sense of the world. We could call these judgments or beliefs as well. Imagine that you get cut off by a car on the highway. In an instant, you might feel a flash of anger. Now imagine that you pull up next to the car and notice that the situation is different from what you expected. Maybe the driver is a teenager, obviously flustered and trying to concentrate. Maybe the driver is older but in the backseat is someone who, it appears, is injured. In either case, your stories about the situation would be updated in an instant.

For better and worse, our stories form the basis for how we make sense of the world. They are our thoughts, and they help us explain how the world is, how someone else is and how we ourselves are.

To get greater self-awareness around our stories, I find it’s best to simply start writing them down. Going back to a dedicated journal or notebook, start to articulate all the stories you’re making up, trying to get curious about how true they are. In the example, one story could have been, “This person is selfish,” and another could have been, “I feel angry because I’ve been disrespected.”

Source article: How to Develop Self-Awareness and Become a More Conscious and Effective Leader Source (click)

The above, once again, reminded me of the importance of developing self-awareness. Self-awareness,however, is not only important for CEOs so they become more efficient, everyone can greatly benefit from understanding who they are and what they truly want in their lives.

Self-awareness is a skill to be learnt. As children we are discouraged to observe ourselves and know ourselves. Instead we learn to defend our wounded parts with a false-self called the Ego.

“Examine yourself & understand who you are… Whoever does not know self, does not know anything. But, whoever knows self, has acquired the knowledge of the universe.” Jesus, Book of Thomas (Gnostic Gospels)

“Knowing others is intelligence, knowing yourself is true wisdom.” Lao-Tzu

There are many useful tools to regain connection with ourselves. My courses will provide you with artistic, creative and fun tools to go on a journey within and arrive to clarity and self-acceptance.

see courses here

coaching

Source of pics

The healing power of drawing

“Creativity is the answer, not bitterness”

CHAOS DRAGON AND THE LIGHT – official trailer

DESCRIPTION OF THE COMPLETE 60-MINUTE FILM: Marika Henriques is a Jungian therapist, a survivor of the Holocaust and the creator of extraordinary art. Now in her 80s, she tells her story for the first time. The documentary’s central themes, of the trauma of war, migration and the refugee experience, are powerfully resonant today. As a young girl, Marika was hidden from the Nazis in a Budapest cellar. Separated from her own family and unsure of their safety or whereabouts, she had to pretend to be someone else’s child to stay alive. This 60-minute film explores the importance of identity and who we become when our identity is stolen. And it is a story about how creativity can help us process inner trauma. Marika was able finally to face the deep wound inflicted on her all those years ago through drawing. These pictures portray a powerful psychic and emotional journey, from the re-discovery of a mute and terrified child, through the loss of her identity, to the horror of the holocaust and her perilous escape from communism. Gradually, over several decades, Marika worked her way to a place of transformation and healing. Marika tells her unforgettable story with insight and emotion. Her interview is intercut with images of her father’s extraordinary illustrated diaries, archive footage and Marika’s mesmerizing drawings and tapestries. “The cumulative impact is assaultive, inspiring, intriguing and moving by turns” Review in The Journal of Analytical Psychology, November 2023 (Catriona Wrottesley)

Director – Sal Anderson
Executive Producer – Tracey Gardiner
Editor – Natasha Westlake
Co-producer – Steve Gough
Cinematographers – Roland Denning & Ian Liggett
Music – Alex Heffes
Sound Editor & Mixer – Adrian Rhodes
Production companies: Iridescent Films; Raw Productions (c) 2023

Learn more about the film HERE (CLICK)

Watch the film HERE CLICK

On my spiritual education

In this blogpost I discuss why it is important that educational institutions learn to serve the people attending the institution rather than following an intellectual idea of what education should be about.

Aka enthusiasm vs disappointment

In this blogpost I express my distress, upset and sense of helplessness with regards to the educational organization where I am studying.

If you believe that spirituality and spiritual people are supposed to be free of negative emotions, pls do not read this post. Thank you.

I am someone who loves studying and leaning new things. I often go from one course to another because I always feel the need to expand my horizons, learn new skills, and go with the times.

It is partly because I am an educator and I believe that in order to serve my student the best, I need to know about the latest. I must be up to date with the times, the trends, how teaching and learning changes, and about the latest gadgets of learning support.

As I see it, teaching must serve the student. Not vice versa. About a hundred years ago, we all believed that teachers were some kind of authority of knowledge who had power over us. Today, teaching is more about guidance than knowledge. Knowledge is attainable at every corner but trustworthy guidance is still a commodity.

Apart from being an educator, I am also a ‘traveller’. I have lived in about 5 different countries in 3 continents and worked in many more. Over the years I learnt that though we are similar in our humanity and one in our spirituality, we are also very different in our cultures and race. All of these need to be respected equally.

When I started my spiritual education I did not know what I got myself into. While in the US in about 2017, a minister – and beloved friend – suggested a school that she thought would provide me with the spiritual foundation that I needed.

On her advice, I started my M.A. in Divinity at a well known institution. After a year, however, I did not feel that I was on the right path and so I left. Though the courses were interesting and practical, I felt that I was still looking. As I understand now, I was looking for connecting with God more deeply though my studies.

A year later, I started to attend a set of courses that launched me into a completely new sphere of life that I had known nothing about. This set of 18 courses gave me an in-sight into a level of spiritual understanding that I had been searching for decades. I suppose, the student had become ready to start her journey.

The courses, their structure and the additional support I received from the Urban School were exemplary. By the time I finished with the foundation courses, I had became an enthusiastic convert who found her calling. I decided to become a minister, what’s more, I decided to work with children and families.

I could not wait for my ministerial education to start. Little did I know then about the confusion that I was getting myself into.

During the first year, I was in heaven. 🙂 I was taking courses that open me and my spirit to new heights. I studied and learnt skills I never knew about before! I simply loved every course I was taking.

I will be forever grateful for the opportunity and the amazing support The Unity Urban Ministerial School gave me. I am thankful for every course I took and the additional support I was offered at every turn.

After about a year on the ministerial path, I suddenly learnt that because I wasn’t a resident of the US, I was required to move from the American school to another one that ‘dealt’ with foreigners. The so-called IMP course structure and content was very different from what I had gotten used to. After about a year studying at two institutions, one for quality and one for the ‘paper’, I completely lost my enthusiasm.

The entire educational program that is supposed to prepare me to become a shepherd of souls and a guide to the lost, has became a nightmare of paper pushing and dealing with general ignorance about cultural differences, and the needs of Generation X, Y, and Z!

It became apparent to me that the educators who create the ministerial educational program for foreigners (international program) – those outside of the US – have forgotten to check out WHO they prepared this program for and why.

To my knowledge, the educational advisor who is in charge of the international program has never been to Europe and knows nothing of the general standard of education or the structure of the educational systems in Europe. This program lacks focus and a general understanding of what issues a minister in Europe may face. This ministerial program offers some understanding of the principles of the church and its organizational structure, however, it offers nothing to enable a minister to work with real issues, particularly that of the younger generations.

Each time I have attempted to gain an audience with the person in charge of the international program, I was ignored. I have worked as an educator for over 30 years so I suspect that I could contribute to the formation of an international ministerial program that is relevant and practical. I may not know what makes a great minister but I am sure I know what makes a good school.

A good school listen to its students and responds to their needs. A good school prepares its students for the future, not glorifies the past! A good school is relevant and current.

I won’t even mention, the importance of a good teacher who would come as a matter of course with a good school.

Recently I encountered a teacher who failed me three times in three different subject. First time, it is understandable. The second and third time I felt that I was picked on. Naturally, this incident can be conceived as a great example of a caring teacher who wants to make sure that you learn your lessons so you can become the best of yourself.

I used to believe that, too! Not any more!

The best way to teach someone is to inspire them to do well. I am still a believer of tough love but not too tough. Appreciating and respecting differences create an openness in the students that allows them to perceive and embrace the material presented to them. Condemnation and failing create friction and closedness that prevents absorption of the material presented.

When it comes to spiritual studies the worst thing a teacher can do is, after enabling a student to become open and vulnerable, to take advantage of this vulnerability and judge the student for ‘negligence’.

Another thing I noticed with this particular teacher was ‘assuming the worst’. Assumption is a silly human contrition where we fill in the gaps with our own imagination. Where she lacked facts on the reasons behind my actions, she seemed to fill these in with ‘judgements’.

As I teacher, it is true, that I prefer studies and obliging students who follow my advise. However, it is not my job to enforce that they do! My job is to offer support, tailor the material in a way that my students find it interesting and engaging, and that I am inspiring enough as an educator so my advice is being followed.

Where there is force, there is resistance!

I still hope that I will find the courage and the willingness to finish my education at IMP because I would like to be the minister and educator I have been blabbering about above.

Being and acting as as spiritual advisor and educator is the most responsible job, I can imagine. Supporting and enabling people to become aware of their unique essence that is a spark of the all-encompassing Divine Presence, is

Matthew 6:22

Finding Meaning Series

Finding meaning is an interpretation ‘class’ that will support you to have more guidance in your life coming from within yourself.

What do we do in the class?

We read text from different ‘spiritual text’ like the Bible, the Baghva Gita, the Torah, or the Koran and interpret the ‘message’ in the text.

We use something called ‘metaphysical interpretation’. Charles Filmore one of the founders of Unity (see more about Unity), an ecumenical Church in the USA, created different metaphysical dictionaries such as the Revealing Word and the Metaphysical Bible Dictionary, offering insight into reading the Bible.

However, you can find your own meaning without someone else giving you their meaning to the words.

What does this class offer?

This ‘class’ offers support in finding personal insight into any spiritual text or poem in order to find guidance.

We often seek out seers or oracles to tell our future or what decision to make in life. The truth is that we all have the wisdom to know how to make our life work. It is also true that sometimes it is hard to access the information.

How do we do it?

With inward-looking meditative, interpretive and affirmative practices we can all learn to understand spiritual text that can guide us towards living with wisdom and clarity.

Spiritual texts do not give us answers to our daily ‘how to’s, but they do provide us with tips and tools that can help us live a more peaceful and fulfilled lives.

What kind of class is this?

By class I mean that you take the time to read the text provided and listen to the material I offer. You do this class yourself, in your own time, with others.

In our Facebook group by using #findingmeaning hashtag you can join the conversation. You can join the group to engage in the conversation below

joing the FB group here

READ THIS! TASK

So, our first text is from the Bible, the New Testament. Read the passage below and contemplate on what the text means to you. First read the text. Then close your eyes for at least 5 minutes and think about it asking yourself “What does this text means to me?” Don’t worry if your mind runs in circles at first. Just allow yourself to come up with different answer. And if no answer comes, it is OK, too. (read on)

Matthew 6:22

The eye is the menorah of the basar. Therefore, if your eye is unblurred, then your whole basar will be lighted.

basar = living, livelihood, course of life
manora = lamp

The light of the body is the eye: if then thine eye be single, thy whole body shall be light.

The eye is the lamp of the body. So if your eye is healthy, your whole body will be full of light.

After having read the text above and contemplated on it, listen to this short meditation.

contemplative and MEDITATIVE TASK

Share your experiences with me in our Facebook Group below. Please remember to use the hashtag! #findingmeaning If you are not on Facebook, please write to me using the message-box below.

Know thyself

We have all arrived to this earth carrying gifts. Are you living those gifts? Are you even aware of these gifts?

More than 7 billion people are alive today. How many of those people are living the life they were born to live? Are you? Julie Cantrell examines the search for true identity while reminding each of us that every choice matters.

Julie Cantrell is an award-winning New York Times and USA TODAY bestselling novelist whose work focuses on contemporary issues such as domestic violence, human trafficking, family dynamics, and faith. She is a speaker and teacher who is known to inspire readers to live their best life.

Self-Acceptance Day1

We tend to talk a lot about and so have a clear understanding of different issues in our lives.

We discuss meditation, talk about why mindfulness is so cool, or why self-awareness helps us become more successful.

BUT DO WE ACTUALLY DO THE WORK?

By reading and talking about something we do not ‘know it’. We gain a mental understanding of the topic but we do not have a personal experience of it, neither do we ‘own’ it.

Self-acceptance is one of such topics. Self-acceptance is something we ‘should’ do by practicing it and finding our the best way to go about it so to know we really ‘own’ it!

Mostly, we need to do the very things that we do not feel like doing because it is outside of our comfort-zone.

I would like to invite you to take this challenge and practice self-acceptance so you can experience it and own in.

The challenge will go on for a few days. Look for my posts daily to learn what you will do to practice and investigate what it is like for you to accept yourself.

Why?

It is Important to experience Self-Love and Acceptance. To learn to love ourselves unconditionally. We can free ourselves from the mind (judge and victim) and become who we came here to be. In self-acceptance, we can discover our gifts and begin to share these with the world. Until we focus into judging ourselves, it is unlikely that we can see and share our gifts. We can leave behind the negative thought processes and begin to vibrate a positive energy into our lives and the lives of those around us. When you discover the truth of who you are, you will no longer be attached to your pictures of perfect people or things to “make” you happy. Happiness will reveal itself gently in your life, and emerge from you…

“Emancipate yourself from mental slavery, none but ourselves can free our minds” Bob Marley

Challenge DAY1

In the morning listen to this very short meditation, then do the tasks throughout the day. See them below.

For the next 24 hours, catch yourself when you are seeking validation from the external world, whether from the people or the things around you. Remember, that these don’t define who you are.

During the day find some time to this. Write down 5 qualities or character traits you appreciate about yourself and include a time when these came into play. Suggestion: you may want to listen to the meditation again before you start doing the task.

Over the next week, look for things you appreciate about yourself to add to this list.

In the evening, before you go to bed, watch this video and do 5 rounds of tapping with 5 different issues. Follow the instructions in the video.

Source – happiness project and EFT Method

Let me know what you have discovered today by practicing the tools above!

contact me

FACEBOOKGROUP

Compassionate Insight

I recently created a new class – it is rather a practise group – that I call Compassionate Insight. It focuses on using this tool – Compassionate Insight – to create better relationships with ourselves and others. As a result we can become happier and more contented regardless of the environment we find ourselves in.

At the links below read and listen more about my journey to compassion and what this tool comprises.

what is compassionate insight? youtube video (13 min)

from fury to compassion. vlog

compassion is hard. vlog

inner communication

compassionate insight. blog

learn more about what I do

Compassion is HARD!

Audio of the post below

Why being compassionate is hard to do?

The answer is actually rather simple. It is because of our lack of self-care and lack of responsibility.

Let me explain it!

When we suffer in our lives and our needs are not met, we find it hard to feel compassion towards others’ needs and hearing others’ issues with openness and understanding.

Let me tell you about my journey of discovery!

One day, I was sitting through a six-hour meeting where people kept on forgetting to mute themselves so they caused a lot of background noise; some peoples’ audio was so bad that they were hardly audible; most of the time I could not figure out what the conversation was about because there was no structure to the meeting at all; people kept on interrupting each other (there were not guidelines introduced at the beginning) and the topics changed so abruptly that I could not follow the meeting. It was utterly chaotic.

Because I am on a practical journey of discovering compassionate insight, before the meeting, I decided to participate fully regardless of the challenges. I promised myself to stay compassionate and interested. I meditated and moved myself out of expectations and into a place of openness just before the meeting started.

An hour and a half into the meeting, however, I found myself extremely frustrated and exhausted. I was outraged at the way the meeting was conducted and how pointless my attendance was.

It made me think. How could I bring compassionate insight into this situation? What do I need to know now? What am I frustrated about? What are my unmet needs? How am I not taking care of my own needs right now?

I became aware of the following: I am constantly short of time. I have different jobs and responsibilities that leave me very little personal time. I am very particular about what I am willing to spend my time with. When it comes to education, I expect good level of education for my money. I need the meetings that I attend to be informative, well-organized, and well-conducted by an expert educator. This meeting, in my experience, was none of these. I was also frustrated because I was in no position to communicate my needs.

Hey! It sounds like a victim story!

I had to remind myself that I create my own reality and I am responsible for my experiences. Non-violet communication, or NVC in short, says that we need to fulfill a request like a child feeding ducks, with joy. In short the request was that I attend this meeting and participate fully. The truth is that I could not attend this meeting with joy, so I shouldn’t have! NVC also says that we always have choices and by knowing that we can stop playing the victim.

I was angry and frustrated because I felt like a victim. My needs for getting a good education was not met. But the truth is that my needs must be met by me. It is my responsibility to take good care of myself by making different choices.

Compassion must start with me!

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