How we see God is a direct reflection of how we see ourselves. If God brings to mind mostly fear and blame,
it means there is too much fear and blames welled inside us. If we see God as full of Love and compassion, so are we.
Ok,so … The first week has been a disaster. I am actually laughing at my self. Why is it that we make these ‘commitments’ so serious that every inch of my body is incomplete resistance as a result of it!
Nevertheless, I have contemplated … What is God like for me? I am in a ‘split-state-of-mind’ so to speak. There is a part of me who knows and feels that God is the source of Good: beauty, creativity, kindness, smiles, and more. When I meditate, I sit in the silence and after a while – after my mental craze has subsided – I start feeling the presence of Good; the Loving Kindness, the Care and Love that is available for me (as long as I reach into it).
At the same time, God is also a negligent parent for me. I am angry with God and I am angry with myself. I look around myself and I also see havoc and mayhem. Ignorant people running the show and I feel victimized. I feel helpless. I need God to sort this out and make it right. I need ‘him’ to make this pain and anquish to go away.
But God, the God that resides in the silence does not descends and sorts things out. This God, is not the God. This God is a creation of the phantasies of a young child who was neglected and uncared for. A child’s plea for help who had grown up too fast and became resentful and demanding as a result.
The God I often see as myself is harsh and unforgiving. L:uckily, I am also aware of the God who lives in the silence; the Loving and Caring God who walks with me, cares for me, hugs me when I sleep; who appreciates me even when I hate ‘Him’.