I am not sure exactly. But there is an element of unsafely in being true to ourselves that is almost inexplicable. The only way to notice this fear is to sit in the silence for a while and watch how the nerve-wracking inner tension caused by the world starts easing away.
The more I put myself out there with my little creative treasures, the more scary it gets. Being refused or rejected is not a great feeling but tolerable. However, for me, being ridiculed for my most precious gifts is heart-breaking.
We all have these little pearls of great price within us, the unique attributes of our soul.
As children, each time we were told off for having drawn on the wallpaper or on the furniture, or when we were punished to be too energetic and running around the house, or when we put into detention for chatting during the class with a classmate who needed our support, we learn that we are not OK as we are.
As a result of that, we start hiding our little precious treasures and start wearing a mask that reflects what the world around us wants to see us being. With that inner betrayal, we loose contact with ourselves and turn to the world for satisfaction and love.
When we take the courage to start turning within, first we must confront the pain of treachery. Not easy. Sometimes it takes years of forgiveness to release the pain caused by our disloyalty. And it is still not the end of the road.
As soon as, we regain our sense of true self, a trust issue starts emerging with an immense sense of fear saying ‘what if it happens again? What if you betray me again? How can I trust you again?’ Will you now stay by my values and needs or will you sell out again?’
This is the second leg of the journey, walking though the fires of fear.