We are doomed. Looking at her, the way she retreats in fear, I understand how much we do not stand a chance in life. We were robbed as children of all our abilities by imbeciles. I cannot blame them either, though. There is a long line of abuse we were only a tiny part of. The result is lasting, however. We are here to observe our inevitable mortality and decay from a place of compete surrender.
No matter how angry I am at times at those who knowingly or not contributed to my dismay, there is only one way ahead: forgiveness and surrender.
My unforgiving-ness harms no other but my self. I keep myself stuck in a loop of horror and inconsolable despair. Until I fight for ‘justice’, for the wrong-doers to be punished, I do nothing but recreate the pain and frustration of the long-ago.
I must understand that I can only be my own master if I let go of my grip on the past and surrender to the present. Only when I start seeing myself again in my own light, instead of gazing into some dimmed shadows, I will start having a chance in life.
But for now, I am an anger-ball who is only just learning to surrender to the reality of her existence – what there is, goes.