The grace of God flows freely through me.
This is today’s Daily Word. Interesting.
Do you know why people in pain chose alcohol – or other drugs – over God? Because God does not ‘operate’ in the physical. God can ‘only’ (I say it lightly) work with the physical through us, those who has a living soul in them. People do, among many other. Though God’s energy is everywhere, like a cobweb runs through all of existence, decided action is a privilege of human beings.
God waits. God waits endlessly for humans to turn to ‘him’, chose ‘him’ and allow ‘him’ to work through the person’s faculties.
So, why don’t we chose God if it is so easy?
I am writing below comes from a personal experience.*
When you experience rejection, abuse, neglect or similar not so nice experiences as a child, you make a decision about yourself which is, in most cases, ‘I am no good’ (or similar). As an ‘unlovable’ being you perceive God as a distant punishing figure, if at all, and turn away knowing that you are alone. As a result of that, you take on a ‘strategy’ to cope in life – which is so colorfully laid down in the system of the Enneagram.
The foundation of the ego – our defense mechanism – is hurt feelings that are mostly acted out either as a narcissist, a victim or a bully. I know it is hard to recognize it because all these are covered up by layers and layers of tactics and mechanics. 🙂
*As a child, when I learnt that I was ‘no good’, I decided to become ‘helpful’. I looked around and found that what people around me needed is someone to let their frustration down on. Most of them were mentally ill of the torture and fear they had had to endure, it made them mad. So, I toughened up and offered my services as a ‘scapegoat’. I spent the past 45 years doing that in many ways.
You see the truth is, that, at the end of the day, it is just old pain and anguish that is the result of not allowing God to come in and help which is Grace.
Grace is not a miracle.
Grace is a turning back, facing the music – the original pain, the decisions we made about ourselves, the struggle we have been through – and laying it all down at the feet of God. It is surrendering.
This is NOT EASY at all. That’s why we chose a distraction be it alcohol, drug, sex, games, films, relationships, cooking … anything that keeps our minds off the hurt, the anger, the resentment, the pain, over God.
It is because in God, or with God, we must become vulnerable, we must go back to the original sin which is turning away thinking that God has forsaken us, and forgive. We must forgive the wasted years that we spent on making it ‘right’. We must cry the tears, howl in anguish, feel the penetrating fear of thunder until it dissipates and we are left as an empty vessel for God to fill.
Practically, what it all means is that you must stop fighting and distracting. Honestly, in my experience, it takes courage and perseverance and long … long … time. And then, one day, you decide to take on God’s offer and allow him to work through you. Not instead of you though! 🙂