Author: ildiko

Children of the self-absorbed

Nina Brown has written an amazing book called the Children of the Self-Absorbed. If you feel that you lack self- efficacy, self-esteem, and/or self- confidence I suggest you have a look at this video below and if you can read the book. The book is full of exercises that can support you gain awareness of your life choices in terms of your relationship with your parent(s).

It is often that we feel unworthy of having a magnificent and joy-filled life . Where does that sense of unworthiness stem from? Nina Brown invites you to have a look at your relationship with your family of origin ad investigate the narcissistic behavioural patterns resent there.

Armageddon

The world only offers us craze. No matter how stable and balanced you consider your life to be, the world will make sure you will lose your cool time to time.

Observing the madness this PANDEMIC has generated I wonder if we can at all call ourselves hu-mans any more. I am mad at the senseless way we tackle this problem we are faced with. Animals act with more decorum! Most people have seemingly lost all their common sense. The shops are empty, the roads are empty and people are panic stricken. Of what exactly? A virus that is unfortunately nasty and contagious however it is still the 12th on the list of different illnesses that threaten humanity at the moment. It is a flu virus that are know to the medical society and it is treatable!
Probably the least comprehensible aspect of this panic is the mass shopping craze. I am not sure exactly what goes through people’s minds when they stock up food for the next year!

The PANDEMIC suddenly feels like an ARMAGEDDON!

As far as I can see, interestingly, the more we try and protect ourselves from a phantom the more harm we do to ourselves and others in the process. Businesses and schools are closed that will result in revenue loss and parents not being able to go to work, just to mention a couple.

On the flip side, however, I am grateful. I have suddenly more free time on my hands than I have had the past months. I can enjoy the warmer weather, a good book, chatting with family and friends.

Maybe, just maybe, we needed this VIRUS to calm us down a bit, keep us at home with our families and hobbies. We probably need time off from our crazy and over-scheduled lives.

A blessing in disguise, once again! Let’s make the most of it!

The amazing world of Enneagram

These one-word descriptors can be expanded into four-word sets of traits. Keep in mind that these are merely highlights and do not represent the full spectrum of each type.

Type One is principled, purposeful, self-controlled, and perfectionistic.
Type Two is generous, demonstrative, people-pleasing, and possessive.
Type Three is adaptable, excelling, driven, and image-conscious.
Type Four is expressive, dramatic, self-absorbed, and temperamental.
Type Five is perceptive, innovative, secretive, and isolated.
Type Six is engaging, responsible, anxious, and suspicious.
Type Seven is spontaneous, versatile, acquisitive, and scattered.
Type Eight is self-confident, decisive, willful, and confrontational.
Type Nine is receptive, reassuring, complacent, and resigned.

Basic description of the nine Enneagram types CLICK ON THE LINK

The above are the very basic tenets of the nine types of the system of the Enneagram. Each type has its ‘at its best’ and ‘at its worst’ traits. These are the ‘bests’ of each type that make them unique and what we can appreciate about each of them. None of the types are better or worse than the other. We, humans, all have positive and negative personality traits depending on personal preferences and situations.

The system of the Enneagram is unique and helpful because it focuses on us finding our Core that dwells in our Divine nature and supports us to uncover it by gaining awareness of our fear based limitations.

7 Pillars of Insight

“For millennia the discipline of self-knowledge was confined to philosophy and religion. Roman philosopher Plotinus believed that happiness was achieved by knowing our true self. And perhaps most famously, the seven sages of ancient Greece inscribed the phrase “know thyself” at the entry of the Temple of Apollo at Delphi, a mantra that Plato later reinforced in the teachings of Socrates. And though most people associate self-awareness with Buddhism, nearly every religious tradition recognizes its importance.”

extracts from Insight by Tasha Eurich

7 Pillars of Insight

Confucius advised that to govern others, one must first govern oneself. The Hindu Upanishads said that “enquiry into the truth of the Self is knowledge.” In the Jewish faith, self-knowledge has been called “the prerequisite for any self-improvement.” Avicenna, a tenth-century Muslim philosopher, wrote that “self-awareness is essential to the soul and [our] awareness of ourselves is our very existence.

extracts from Insight by Tasha Eurich

Another kind of Love

Audio version of the text below

WOW! Such an angry man.

He says Brexit will lead the way and allow other EU member countries to leave. He seemed particularly angry with the French and the German. He says The Brits will stop buying French and German products and that will be the end of the French champagne industry. I do not remember what the Brits will stop buying from the Germans. He is a hunter kind of fellow. Though he was born in the outskirts of London, he lives in Scotland.

Though he smiles a lot, he seems so angry all the time.
He says he goes to China twice a year and loves Chinese food which is interesting because he does not seem to like foreigners. He loves his beer and wine. He loves his food, full stop.

He is an Enneagramm 9. A gentle anger-ball.

He seems like someone who was robbed of something early on and as a helpless and powerless reaction he extended this robbery onto a national scale.

He gives the impression of a great Brit of long-ago, an archaic British Empire believer. There is so much violent hatred in him. He is a man who believes in the righteousness of wars. He believes that the Brits deserve special treatment because European fields are full of fallen British soldiers. He is brutally nationalistic, uncompromising and unwavering. He is rigid and unforgiving.

He is actually scary as he finds every opportunity to get angry and prove how ignorant people are. At the same time he seems like a man who is respectful and supportive. He is also rather scattered and absent-minded, probably, because he is constantly busy with being upset with something. He does not seem to be present at all. He can not see what’s in front of him, he is lost in some circle of childhood trauma that prevents him just being. For him, events that occur around him are only there to prove how infantile, incapable and stupid humans are.
I suspect, he is mostly angry with himself but his anger is mostly projected onto others.

Interestingly, even though, I found him rather scary because of him being full of prejudice and unfounded judgement, I felt a lot of compassion for him. I sensed a lot of hidden pain of injustice and peaceless-ness.

There is not much else one can do with this man so full of blind rage but love him! : ) Sadly, though, whenever I meet a person like him there is nothing else I can do but run. My own anger is on the way to any constructive and kind discussions. I shut up and go. I love him from a distance.

NOTE: Though Enneagram type nines are called Peacemakers and mostly considered gentle bear-like creatures, similar to Winnie-the-Pooh, ENG9s are actually rather sulky, angry and resentful creatures. They have a heart of gold. They are protective and supportive friends. At the same time they often feel that they are not appreciated enough. Because they constantly deflect and avoid confrontation at any cost, they often react with sarcasm and with an edge to situations that they feel uncomfortable in.

A non-political political statement aka Find peace within

Audio version of the article below

As a result of Brexit and Trump’s Wall induced hatred spree, I found myself a pacifist wishing to be pacific.

I have read and listened to numerous advocates for ‘leave’ and ‘remain’. I do not know much about American politics, I just simply do not favour the guy with the crazy hair-do!

And this is what it is really about: personal favourites and innate motivators.

Though, most of us are convinced that we can see the greater picture and form our opinion on what’s best for humanity, we all actually form our point of views based solely on our own deep-seated need for ‘something or other’.

In my case it is safety.

I am a pacifist because of the war-zone I grew up in. I lived with it, I lived in it and I eventually integrated it inside of me. As a result of that, I now believe that there is a way to live in peace by appreciating each other’s strengths and having compassion for our weaknesses. I feel comradely towards those who envision a world without ‘the good and the bad’ armoured. In this world of constant separation and comparison, I dream of understanding and embracing. Though it sounds enlightened and visionary, it is still just a personal opinion.

I do not know what the world needs.

It may as well need Brexit and Trump’s racist WW3 prep . Who am I to judge? I only know that I would feel safer in a world where people raised their heads off their daily distress and endless needs, looked into the eye of another and saw the unique beauty of God’s creation.

I know that my grand vision for humanity is utopistic and unreal, what’s more it causes me a great deal of distress. I often feel helpless and frustrated. In my desperation, I judge others to be stupid and senseless in their pursuit for happiness*.

So, I launch myself into gear to fight human ignorance. My inner annoyance and resentment towards those who do not understand my grand vision leads me to a place where I sadly find myself generating exactly the opposite of what I claim to stand for: war.

The challenges of the nonsensical decisions others often generate swirl a hurricane in my life. Instead of standing still and simply allowing the storm to pass, I attempt to stop it or even reverse it. Fighting is just as foolish as the concept of righteousness.

There is only one way to peace*: finding it within, individually. At the same time, finding one’s inner calm means no lack of involvement. Peaceful warrior activists like Mother Theresa and Gandhi achieved greatness for many. Though, we are motivated by it, activism must stem from a sense of inner detachment of personal gain. Additionally, it needs to be accompanied with surrendering our moral superiority, embracing differences and knowing that we are all evolving in the process.

None of us knows what’s best but we can all peacefully strive for something greater: more peaceful, more embracing, kinder* …

The War is always within.

*replace the word with your own

Featured image is from DEVIANART.COM by angelettediana11

The Ideal Client

Today, I was contemplating on my ideal clients. Who could they be?

Well, honestly, they are the kids!

Kids tend to be honest. When they are not sincere in their endeavours of getting what they want it is often because they, sadly, think they can only obtain it in the way than the way they see their environment get it.

Adults fight change and try to be clever about it. They explain why it is silly what you suggest or simply ignore you. Whereas children are excited and curious about the new. They may be afraid of trying something but if you can promise them to be there for them when the fear shows up, they will happily launch themselves into experimenting with anything.

Coaching is a process of investigating new things and gaining awareness of the feelings and results these new experiences provide.

During our Edu-Coaching sessions that were run for 9-13 year old kids in different countries, I quickly learnt how deep kids are willing to dive into in order to find their hidden treasures.

So inspiring!

Young@Hearts, welcome!

Image is borrowed from FB, unknown artist.

UPCOMING EVENTS