Author: ildiko

On a personal note

When I was a child, I was told that I was odd because I had ‘strange’ ideas that nobody could seemingly understand. Plus, I lived in a rather gray environment called socialistic communism or something similar. Colourlessness was the norm and you were expected to conform.

I was not one who easily left a question unanswered, though. So, I decided early on that if the world around me is too scared to answer my bold questions I would go and find my answers myself. And so I was off. I left my home, I left my city, finally, I left my country in search of answers.

The most surprising discovery I have made over the years was that our answers to any existential question are answered from within. I spent much time reading clever books and looking for someone to answer my queries until I realized that the only question I was truly searching an answer for was ‘who am I?’ Finding the answer to this very basic question opened up the whole world to me. It is sometimes too big to bear! Knowing myself, my true values, inherent abilities and what I stand for as a human being gave me complete freedom in choosing my experiences.

I do not live a perfect life. I do not believe it exists, anyway. I live a life of insights and discoveries. It is a magical world both inside and out. I am still a girl in progress. 🙂 My main focus in life is to find the most fulfilling ways to express my multifaceted being. One such layer is my caring nature that wants me to support others to gain insights into their own extraordinary being.

What is Passion anyway?

Last week I was working with a couple of young people in their late 20’s and early 30’s. Ultimately, their basic question was ‘What shall I do with my life?’ I was shocked to hear this question because they both had opportunities for development in their careers and earnt a decent salary that allows them to travel and have fun. It was also revealed that both of them are well educated and on a career path that can be forecast for the next 5-10 years. Dream lives, aren’t they?

Except that none of them seemed happy with their lives. According to their sharing they were both lost and confused. As we continued our discussions, it soon turned out that neither of them were sure if they followed their passions and dreams or were just on automatic pilot.

So, we started talking about what their passions might be in order to see if they were on the ‘right’ path or not. And this is basically where our conversation got halted The young man shared that though he really liked being an engineer and having career prospects to strive for, he does not feel ‘whole’ and contented. He admitted that he could not wait for the week to end. Neither, does the money he earns make him feel happy. He did not feel inspired, he said.


The young lady talked about how much she felt out of place at work and bored though her job was actually stressful. Even though she was admittedly passionate about sports and living a healthy lifestyle, it does not seem to make up for the stress and boredom she feels at work. At the same time, they both shared how grateful they were for the opportunities they have had so far and the comfort they live in.

To my observation, however, neither of them had any real idea what ‘being passionate’ meant. So we started exploring who they are in their uniqueness and what that individuality requires them to ‘do’ in order to feel whole and contented.

Passion is a funny word. Do you know that it actually stems from the Latin word for ‘pain and suffering’? In the Bible, the Passion of the Christ was his crucifixion, his final great deed for humanity, according to scholars. In my understanding passion is ‘great enthusiasm in serving self and others with inherent (unique) abilities and a sense of commitment to make that happen’.

What I can say from my own experience is that I am the happiest when by serving others I actually serve myself.

And you, what are you passionate about? What are your greatest strength and unique abilities that can serve you and others at the same time?

Children of the self-absorbed

Nina Brown has written an amazing book called the Children of the Self-Absorbed. If you feel that you lack self- efficacy, self-esteem, and/or self- confidence I suggest you have a look at this video below and if you can read the book. The book is full of exercises that can support you gain awareness of your life choices in terms of your relationship with your parent(s).

It is often that we feel unworthy of having a magnificent and joy-filled life . Where does that sense of unworthiness stem from? Nina Brown invites you to have a look at your relationship with your family of origin ad investigate the narcissistic behavioural patterns resent there.

Armageddon

The world only offers us craze. No matter how stable and balanced you consider your life to be, the world will make sure you will lose your cool time to time.

Observing the madness this PANDEMIC has generated I wonder if we can at all call ourselves hu-mans any more. I am mad at the senseless way we tackle this problem we are faced with. Animals act with more decorum! Most people have seemingly lost all their common sense. The shops are empty, the roads are empty and people are panic stricken. Of what exactly? A virus that is unfortunately nasty and contagious however it is still the 12th on the list of different illnesses that threaten humanity at the moment. It is a flu virus that are know to the medical society and it is treatable!
Probably the least comprehensible aspect of this panic is the mass shopping craze. I am not sure exactly what goes through people’s minds when they stock up food for the next year!

The PANDEMIC suddenly feels like an ARMAGEDDON!

As far as I can see, interestingly, the more we try and protect ourselves from a phantom the more harm we do to ourselves and others in the process. Businesses and schools are closed that will result in revenue loss and parents not being able to go to work, just to mention a couple.

On the flip side, however, I am grateful. I have suddenly more free time on my hands than I have had the past months. I can enjoy the warmer weather, a good book, chatting with family and friends.

Maybe, just maybe, we needed this VIRUS to calm us down a bit, keep us at home with our families and hobbies. We probably need time off from our crazy and over-scheduled lives.

A blessing in disguise, once again! Let’s make the most of it!

The amazing world of Enneagram

These one-word descriptors can be expanded into four-word sets of traits. Keep in mind that these are merely highlights and do not represent the full spectrum of each type.

Type One is principled, purposeful, self-controlled, and perfectionistic.
Type Two is generous, demonstrative, people-pleasing, and possessive.
Type Three is adaptable, excelling, driven, and image-conscious.
Type Four is expressive, dramatic, self-absorbed, and temperamental.
Type Five is perceptive, innovative, secretive, and isolated.
Type Six is engaging, responsible, anxious, and suspicious.
Type Seven is spontaneous, versatile, acquisitive, and scattered.
Type Eight is self-confident, decisive, willful, and confrontational.
Type Nine is receptive, reassuring, complacent, and resigned.

Basic description of the nine Enneagram types CLICK ON THE LINK

The above are the very basic tenets of the nine types of the system of the Enneagram. Each type has its ‘at its best’ and ‘at its worst’ traits. These are the ‘bests’ of each type that make them unique and what we can appreciate about each of them. None of the types are better or worse than the other. We, humans, all have positive and negative personality traits depending on personal preferences and situations.

The system of the Enneagram is unique and helpful because it focuses on us finding our Core that dwells in our Divine nature and supports us to uncover it by gaining awareness of our fear based limitations.

7 Pillars of Insight

“For millennia the discipline of self-knowledge was confined to philosophy and religion. Roman philosopher Plotinus believed that happiness was achieved by knowing our true self. And perhaps most famously, the seven sages of ancient Greece inscribed the phrase “know thyself” at the entry of the Temple of Apollo at Delphi, a mantra that Plato later reinforced in the teachings of Socrates. And though most people associate self-awareness with Buddhism, nearly every religious tradition recognizes its importance.”

extracts from Insight by Tasha Eurich

7 Pillars of Insight

Confucius advised that to govern others, one must first govern oneself. The Hindu Upanishads said that “enquiry into the truth of the Self is knowledge.” In the Jewish faith, self-knowledge has been called “the prerequisite for any self-improvement.” Avicenna, a tenth-century Muslim philosopher, wrote that “self-awareness is essential to the soul and [our] awareness of ourselves is our very existence.

extracts from Insight by Tasha Eurich

Another kind of Love

Audio version of the text below

WOW! Such an angry man.

He says Brexit will lead the way and allow other EU member countries to leave. He seemed particularly angry with the French and the German. He says The Brits will stop buying French and German products and that will be the end of the French champagne industry. I do not remember what the Brits will stop buying from the Germans. He is a hunter kind of fellow. Though he was born in the outskirts of London, he lives in Scotland.

Though he smiles a lot, he seems so angry all the time.
He says he goes to China twice a year and loves Chinese food which is interesting because he does not seem to like foreigners. He loves his beer and wine. He loves his food, full stop.

He is an Enneagramm 9. A gentle anger-ball.

He seems like someone who was robbed of something early on and as a helpless and powerless reaction he extended this robbery onto a national scale.

He gives the impression of a great Brit of long-ago, an archaic British Empire believer. There is so much violent hatred in him. He is a man who believes in the righteousness of wars. He believes that the Brits deserve special treatment because European fields are full of fallen British soldiers. He is brutally nationalistic, uncompromising and unwavering. He is rigid and unforgiving.

He is actually scary as he finds every opportunity to get angry and prove how ignorant people are. At the same time he seems like a man who is respectful and supportive. He is also rather scattered and absent-minded, probably, because he is constantly busy with being upset with something. He does not seem to be present at all. He can not see what’s in front of him, he is lost in some circle of childhood trauma that prevents him just being. For him, events that occur around him are only there to prove how infantile, incapable and stupid humans are.
I suspect, he is mostly angry with himself but his anger is mostly projected onto others.

Interestingly, even though, I found him rather scary because of him being full of prejudice and unfounded judgement, I felt a lot of compassion for him. I sensed a lot of hidden pain of injustice and peaceless-ness.

There is not much else one can do with this man so full of blind rage but love him! : ) Sadly, though, whenever I meet a person like him there is nothing else I can do but run. My own anger is on the way to any constructive and kind discussions. I shut up and go. I love him from a distance.

NOTE: Though Enneagram type nines are called Peacemakers and mostly considered gentle bear-like creatures, similar to Winnie-the-Pooh, ENG9s are actually rather sulky, angry and resentful creatures. They have a heart of gold. They are protective and supportive friends. At the same time they often feel that they are not appreciated enough. Because they constantly deflect and avoid confrontation at any cost, they often react with sarcasm and with an edge to situations that they feel uncomfortable in.