From Fury to Compassion

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One of my greatest achievements as a human being on a spiritual journey is the conscious movement from fury to compassion. 

I grew up in a country where disagreements were retaliated with dreadful consequences and children were train to be insensitive militarized robots. The education system were to take our will, our personality and our humanity. I was told numerous times what a worthless piece of sh*t I was. Mistakes were punished severely and we were only shown an imperfect and intolerant world that wants to shed our blood.

As a result, most of the people I know chose quiet desperation,  I  moved into resistance and fury. All I heard inside of me was: HOW DARE YOU?!? My fury was fueled by criticism and helplessness.

I spent decades criticizing the world around me with the conviction that this is my job to do that. I am a creative with fresh ideas, now I have a voice and I  want to used it. I don’t think that there is anything wrong with communicating a need for change. However, there is a great difference between how this need is communicated. I learnt judgement so I used criticism. And the result was upset and disconnection.

Each time I criticized someone’s ideas or actions, they got upset with me and did not want to work or be with me any more. It is not to say that I did not have the right to express my disagreement but the way I did it was so harsh and critical that people moved into resistance, exactly the same way I did when I was a severely criticized child. 

It took me a long time to understand that if I wanted to generate lasting change I needed to come from a loving and accepting place within myself that gives the other person the right to do what s/he thinks best. I don’t have to agree with it, but I must respect it. 

Compassion is not giving excuses but knowing that everyone at any given moment in time is trying to do their best to meet a need regardless of my opinion on how they may attempt to do that. 

Compassion assumes that everyone wants to meet their needs by the means available to them. These means usually steam from the beliefs systems that they grew up with. 

Moving from anger to compassion removes the judgment. My inner critic who feeds on events that appear to be unjust or not good enough is now replaced by an observer.

In compassion, the observer wants connection instead of separation. The observer wants to generate change in ‘ togetherness’ which also means that it may not be possible. This topic is for another post! 🙂

Moving from fury to compassionate understanding is actually moving from separation to connection. In this action, I released anger about the way I was treated as a child and my fear of people. At the same time, I started opening to connecting and collaborating. 

Loving the Dark-Stuff

Lent as a way of Releasing and Embracing

Living a Spirit-filled Life

Living a spiritual life is not easy. Though it often sounds like it, it is really not about sitting for a while daily chanting  some mantra hoping that all that is challenging or uncomfortable in our life will magically disappear. 

In our commitment to living a life with the Divine in it, we commit to change and to align ourselves with the ‘will’ of God. Though it sounds spooky, it actually means that we allow God/the Divine to guide us. We do not give up control over our choices in life, we just allow the inflow of Loving to move us to places that is dark and sometimes scary. These scary places need to be discovered so we can bring God’s unconditional Loving Light into it; so we can heal.

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In my experience as I meditate and invite God to walk with me, It starts showing me where I carry pain, anguish, anxiety, fear, hurt inside of me. The Divine wants me to Love me for the beautiful and unique creature I am. God wants me to see myself as Its seems me in Its infinite Loving. 

But I cannot.  The Dark Places, the unhealed places, inside of me prevents me from connecting to the Divine Loving. I sit and call upon God/the Divine, we connect, I feel Its gracious Love for me, then, suddenly, all I can feel is pain and anger. What has gone wrong? Nothing, God has just guided me into a place inside of myself where I store past hurts, a sense of powerlessness and shame. I cannot tell you how uncomfortable and difficult it is to sit and look into the darkness and the pain!

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Release and Letting go is a conscious inner action, a strong desire to reconnect with the Grace and the Loving of God. The deeper I move into the Darkness, the more clarity I gain on what this darkness is about. With every bit of clarity I call upon the the Divine Presence and Release it. I say: ‘God, I release this pain and anguish and I am willing to let go of whatever caused it in the past.’

When memories start flowing from the past, I simply forgive them. Regardless of what happened, whether I was wronged or I wronged someone, I do not ponder over the event. I look at it and forgive it. I say: ‘I forgive myself for having generated this experience or I forgive myself for judging myself and others.’ Nothing else.

Then, I start listening into God’s caring whisper: ‘Love it all!’ With that, I start embracing parts of me who felt judged, unloved, uncared for, all that the darkness has covered up until now. I bring it all into the Light, offer it all up to God to be Loved. 

Divine Love

In my release, I create a vacuum, some space is freed up inside of my consciousness that is now available to be filled with Divine Love. This Love is not a fuzzy feeling but a new level of consciousness, a new way of seeing myself and my life. This Love makes me a happier person without any change in my physical environment. 

It is an inner action, not an outer one. The Love the Divine has in store for us is immeasurable and incomparable to any human love.

40 Days from Release to Embrace

Release and Letting Go is rather appropriate as we are moving into the Lenten season starting on the 22 February, 2023. Till the 6th of April, I will walk the 40 days of Lent from Release to Embrace daily. I will share my journey in short posts daily offering something to contemplate on every day. Join me if you like! I would love to have some company!🙂 

By Ildiko Kudlik, ministerial student at Unity UK, DailyWord UK, and UUMS

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Let’s Walk this Journey Together

Join me by …

either reading the daily blogposts I create or joining the FACEBOOK GROUP where I am going to share my writings and daily contemplative questions. I will also post a short video/audio material on the daily posts. (click on the buttons below to join)

Featured Picture Source – oleg-illarionov-unsplash