Continuing on from THIS post on Dr Joe Dispenza’s explanation on our addiction to and identification with certain emotions.
OK, so I am angry.
I feel that my anger is completely justified. Those teachers were the scum under the feet of the dirt of the earth. I am absolutely unforgiving. I cannot find that bone inside of me that can make their act OK in any way. Teachers, who humiliate and sacrifice children on the altar of uniformity are the worst of the worst. They are the anthesis of their profession that swears on building people. These un-human-beings were so scared of originality and what it may entail that they did everything in their power to diminish it.
This is how I became angry … very, very angry. I felt helpless and lonely in the face of tyranny and the only was I could fight it was to become an obnoxious and rebellious fury. The system – particularity the education system – was established in a way that it weeded out the odd ones and buried them under a pile of shame, humiliation and low-self-esteem. Not surprisingly, that Hungary used to have one of the highest suicide rate per capita in the world.
Time flies. All this happened in the 70’s and early 80’s when I was a teenager. Probably the saddest part of this story is not what happened the but the fact that I am still angry. Like Dr Dispenza says, being addicted to an emotion that was a response to a situation in the past, that we are still engaging in today, is heart-breaking. We sacrifice our happiness for an emotion whose raison d’etre is long gone.
I notice that every time I feel helpless in communicating my need for being understood and embraced as I am or when I feel misinterpreted, I become very angry and edgy. I see that the learning for me is *to find the way to feel the true emotions underneath my anger, such as my fear or my sadness; *to communicate what is really going on inside of me the most self-loving way; *stay absolutely true to myself without being afraid because the The Wall has fallen :).
ART helps me uncover myself. I am not very good at talking or writing about my feelings in the moment. Though I feel them profoundly when they appear in words I often don’t recognize them. My ART helps me stay in touch with the underlaying honest emotions of the moment, my sincere needs and my true identity.