“If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, “Move from here to there,” and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.” Matthew 17:20 (NIV)
”… The little Engine That Could story inspired me to keep trying no matter how difficult or seemingly impossible a situation might be. When I moved beyond my doubts and fears, I was always amazed at what I was able to achieve. … ‘Nothing beats a failure but a try’. ”
1 He that dwelleth in the secret place of the most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. 2 I will say of the Lord, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in him will I trust. 3 Surely he shall deliver thee from the snare of the fowler, and from the noisome pestilence. 4 He shall cover thee with his feathers, and under his wings shalt thou trust: his truth shall be thy shield and buckler. 5 Thou shalt not be afraid for the terror by night; nor for the arrow that flieth by day; 6 Nor for the pestilence that walketh in darkness; nor for the destruction that wasteth at noonday. 7 A thousand shall fall at thy side, and ten thousand at thy right hand; but it shall not come nigh thee. 8 Only with thine eyes shalt thou behold and see the reward of the wicked. 9 Because thou hast made the Lord, which is my refuge, even the most High, thy habitation; 10 There shall no evil befall thee, neither shall any plague come nigh thy dwelling. 11 For he shall give his angels charge over thee, to keep thee in all thy ways. 12 They shall bear thee up in their hands, lest thou dash thy foot against a stone. 13 Thou shalt tread upon the lion and adder: the young lion and the dragon shalt thou trample under feet. 14 Because he hath set his love upon me, therefore will I deliver him: I will set him on high, because he hath known my name. 15 He shall call upon me, and I will answer him: I will be with him in trouble; I will deliver him, and honour him. 16 With long life will I satisfy him, and shew him my salvation.
We are doomed. Looking at her, the way she retreats in fear, I understand how much we do not stand a chance in life. We were robbed as children of all our abilities by imbeciles. I cannot blame them either, though. There is a long line of abuse we were only a tiny part of. The result is lasting, however. We are here to observe our inevitable mortality and decay from a place of compete surrender.
No matter how angry I am at times at those who knowingly or not contributed to my dismay, there is only one way ahead: forgiveness and surrender.
My unforgiving-ness harms no other but my self. I keep myself stuck in a loop of horror and inconsolable despair. Until I fight for ‘justice’, for the wrong-doers to be punished,
I do nothing but recreate the pain and frustration of the long-ago.
I must understand that I can only be my own master if I let go of my grip on the past and surrender to the present. Only when I start seeing myself again in my own light, instead of gazing into some dimmed shadows, I will start having a chance in life.
But for now, I am an anger-ball who is only just learning to surrender to the reality of her existence – what there is, goes.